Petplay in BDSM: Roles, Benefits, and Getting Started with Dagger DesChiennes
written by Maja Metera based on the interview with Dagger DesChiennes
Dagger is a lifestyle and professional kinkster based in the Hudson Valley, New York. She offers live and recorded classes, private coaching, and more via her education hub ‘Get Licked! with Dagger’ (comegetlicked.com). She has presented classes and demos for Dark Odyssey, International Ms Leather and Bootblack, the International Pet and Trainer Contest, Folsom Street East, and over a dozen orgs all over the Northeast United States and held the title Northeast Pet 2024.
I had the great pleasure of speaking with Dagger - an amazing kink professional and educator who specializes in physical and emotional sadism, dehumanization, and roleplay. Dagger's journey began during her freshman year of college through an undergraduate group, where she began developing workshops on consent and negotiation. She’s been involved in kink education for over 10 years, making a safe space for people to explore the world of alternative sexuality safely and confidently.
Our conversation focused on petplay, its benefits, and its uniqueness within the kink environment.
What Is petplay in BDSM?
To begin with, let’s establish what this form of play is and isn’t. petplay is a form of roleplay where participants embody animal personas. But don’t get confused - it is not the same as zoophilia (being attracted to, or wanting to be sexually involved with animals). Think about it like using the honorific “Daddy” - it doesn’t mean you want to have sex with your father! The context and power at play is important to consider.
“Petplay can create this power dynamic that involves ownership, dehumanization, posture play, obedience, commands, and restraint, all rooted in a real-world relationship [i.e., modeled on real pet–owner relationships] that is really positive, caring, and mutually beneficial. I find that so fun and lovely” said Dagger.
Moreover, the petplay community is also not the same as the furry fandom. Both are about human-to-human interaction and roleplay, however furries enjoy characters looking like animals but behave like humans, while petplayers enjoy being humans but acting like animals.
Nonetheless, there’s no wrong way to do petplay. Dagger emphasizes that there are no rigid rules - petplay can involve power dynamics but doesn't have to, can be sexual but doesn't have to, and can involve a handler/owner or be done solo.
“If you're having a good time and your partner's having a good time, fantastic. You're doing petplay right.”
Emotional and Psychological Benefits of Petplay
When done right, so being fun and engaging for all parties involved - petplay fulfills various emotional and relationship needs.
From a perspective of those enjoying submission and humiliation, it provides the experience of being "erased," "brought down," or "degraded", said Dagger.
From a general kink perspective, on the other hand, it offers space to be accepted regardless of how useful we are. It offers both the pet and the handler love and care - one that is not transactional or based on completed tasks. This way, it creates a calm environment to just exist - far away from the perfectionism and duties of day-to-day life, and that environment is filled with intimate connections so fine-tuned that they often don't require verbal communication.
“One of the things that my handler will do for me is say: ‘I think you need to rest. We're going to have puppy time right now.’ And I will have my hood put over my face, and sometimes a gag put in my mouth so I can't talk. I will have mitts put on my hands so that I can't check my phone, and can't do anything useful. They'll put a movie on for me, bring my dog toys out and put me somewhere comfy. I can't do anything until they take me out, and it forces me to drop my human perfectionist, needing-to-always-be-doing-something-useful tendencies, and just exist for a little while.” - Dagger
You can create that space for yourself, without the input of others. You can use it as a form of self-expression, especially through visual elements and gear, or self-care. Put aside the idea that it’s something you need to get good at - as if it was a career path - and enjoy the simplicity of petplay.
How Petplay Has Evolved Over the Years
The core of petplay has remained virtually unchanged over the years - it’s always been about connection. However, the same cannot be said about how petplay is executed.
“Petplay has always been about play and intimacy, but the flavor of it has changed significantly. ‘Old guard’ puppy play and pony play, which had a small but powerful presence as far back as the 1980s and even 1970s, had a heavy emphasis on power, obedience, and training. In the last decade, strongly aided by internet communities, there has been a major shift toward more playful, lighthearted self-expression. I also see a lot more pets playing solo or with other pets, as opposed to feeling they need a trainer. I think that has to do with the fact that so many people discovered petplay through photos shared on Instagram and Tumblr during the pandemic, and felt they could explore and participate solo by doing scenes and taking photos on their own.” ~ Dagger
In the past decade that Dagger has spent teaching, it has become much more visible. Namely, more and more people are aware of this type of play, leading to various contests and events related to petplay becoming progressively more popular. It is especially so that, post-pandemic, a lot of them moved online and that social media platforms like Instagram and Tumblr helped spread awareness.
Moreover, also largely thanks to social media, the biggest change Dagger has seen in terms of how people do petplay is that it has become a lot more personalized. It is no longer solely about power dynamics and stripping the pet of its human identity. It is more about showcasing your identity through playful behavior, individual quirks, and gear made to represent your individual pet identity.
How to Introduce Petplay to a Curious or Hesitant Partner
With how many people largely misunderstand petplay as a concept, it might be daunting to bring up your interest to your partner. Dagger advises starting with a “Have you heard of…” approach, maybe having a short video or a post ready to spark your partner’s curiosity. “There's so much value in just owning up to our partner what we feel,” Dagger added, so in this conversation, cultivate honesty and openness - acknowledge your vulnerability and nervousness.
“If what you initially show doesn't interest them, talk it out - maybe their version of petplay is simply different. Give yourself room to explore and think about what's appealing to you, and you will eventually find that”
Then, let the idea marinate for a while in your partner’s head - don’t create pressure to participate, even if you’re very eager to start. Instead, consider taking online classes (like those delivered by Dagger), or, if you’re all willing, attending contests together to observe without pressure to perform or actively participate in petplay.
“I think that can sometimes take a lot of pressure off if you can watch people on a stage. [...] I find [ petplay contests] really approachable, because they're sort of spectator sports. You get to have a drink and sit at the bar and watch what goes on on the stage, but the focus is never on you. It builds this kind of foundation of [petplay being] really approachable and really doable.”
Petplay Tips for Beginners
Once you’re all talked out, know your takes, limits, and preferences - it’s time to play. Well, almost. Consider watching documentaries like "Woof, A Barkumentary" or "Pup" and attending classes to learn from different educators and hear others' experiences. Then, keep early scenes short and simple (like a 10-minute scene learning one trick) - so that nobody gets overwhelmed and burnt out so early on.
Additionally, don’t feel pressured to acquire all of the gear at once - you actually don’t need any gear to start with. “Give yourself time to fall in love with it. You will find different pieces over the years that feel really, really special, and your tastes will change,” Dagger underlined.
Keeping Petplay Exciting Over Time
Lastly, try to avoid stagnation. Easier said than done, right?
Dagger advises to keep introducing new scenarios or challenges: if you always play alone, maybe go to a have fun in a mosh (a a padded area where human pets can safely play together on all fours, usually equipped with squeaky toys, bouncing balls, and friendly handlers) or an event where you can sit by your handler’s feet, being spoken about but not ‘to’. Then, remember that as you evolve - your pet persona can evolve too. Try different species, personalities, and even genders - let your imagination run wild on this one.
Conclusion
This conversation with Dagger, whom I’d like to thank once again from the bottom of my heart for sharing her expertise, covered a lot of ground on the topic of petplay—from history to the first steps to keeping the spark alive. Stay tuned for more on this topic from Obedience. Want to learn even more? Dagger will be teaching a series of classes on petplay this September (9/2025). You can sign up to hear about them here.
Others also read:
