written by Micah Brown

The first thing to realize is that a daily kinky routine doesn’t have to be about sex and sexuality. The misnomer that kink is only about sex is something that should be discarded. While much of kink is sexually motivated, there are many people in the kink community who identify as asexual and have no sexual feelings about their kinks.

I will do my best to touch on all the various aspects of creating a daily kink routine, including those that are sexual and those that are not.

What Do You Hope To Accomplish?

Attempting to create a routine will have little effect if you don’t have a goal in mind for what that routine will accomplish. This goal can be a small, daily goal, a larger goal for the future, or a combination of the two. However you want to approach it, just make certain that you have a goal in mind when you sit down to start mapping out your routine.

So, first pick a small goal you want to try and accomplish and make sure the habits reflect it, helping you work towards it. Only add things to your routine as each part of the routine becomes, well, routine.

For example, maybe you want to start a journaling habit every day. Instead of starting out by saying “I’m going to journal an entire page every day,” start by saying “I will journal for five minutes every day.” Don’t stress about how much you write in those five minutes, just that you write something. Even writing out; “This is my journal entry today” is better than not putting anything down. If you give yourself some flexibility with the time, you can say you’ll journal for a minimum of five minutes, and if you start resonating with something, you can keep going beyond your time limit.

Don’t Overdo It

One thing you don’t want to do is try to fit everything into your routine all at once. My slave and I worked hard to build up our routine, but when we first started we were very excited to create a Master/slave routine that would work for us and so we poured every single idea into our routine and became overwhelmed. At that point, we scaled back and started with a few basic things that we were already doing, but we emphasized when and how those things were being done.

Referencing journaling above, one of the first routines I set for my slave after the initial overwhelm, was journaling about her slave journey every day. While this had begun as a morning routine, as things were added and adjusted, it moved to something she does in the evening so she can reflect on her day and touch on the things that helped her feel more centered in her slave self and discuss things that brought her out of her slave mindset.

After journaling, we added morning devotions to her routine. This is where she kneels before an altar with meaningful trinkets and repeats devotions to her Master to help center herself around her commitment to her submission to me in all aspects of her life. From there, we padded it out for her so that now her morning routine looks like this:

Take dogs out
Start Coffee
Perform Devotions
Bring Master coffee
Take shower
Get approval for lingerie and outfit
Ask Master for permission to go to work

The little things that aren’t included in that list are how she is supposed to perform her devotions, the manner in which coffee and breakfast are delivered, and the proper way to ask permission to go work. These are little things that we have discussed and come up with that work for us and help her feel grounded in her submission and me feel grounded in my Dominance.

My routine, on the flip side, looks a little different than hers. Despite what people outside of the kink community may think, being a Dominant in a 24/7 power exchange is not just sitting back and ordering around your submissive all day. When you’re in a full-time dynamic like this, you’re both taking care of each other’s needs in ways that work for you. Whether you’re a Dominant Man with a submissive woman, or a Dominant Woman with a submissive man, or you’re same sex, or genderfluid, the dynamic you build should work for everybody involved and play to each of your strengths.

This is my morning routine, which starts the evening before:

Update my slave’s routine with anything special or any journal prompts I may want her working on (evening before)
Check in on my slave’s state of mind
Make sure my slave has dressed herself in a way that makes her feel confident (as a note, when we first got together, she didn’t feel confident showing off at all – now her wardrobe is much more her style and helps her feel good about herself when she leaves the house)

Tools For Building a Routine

The most obvious tool I’m going to bring up right away is The Obedience App. While you may think that this is an obvious choice since this is the Obedience website and the Obedience Blog, I was using Obedience long before I was writing for them. I approached them about writing for them because of how much I believe in and love using the app itself.

I encourage you to look into the Obedience App as a possible tool to use in helping to build your kinky routine. Even if you don’t have an active partner, it is possible to use Obedience on your own and design tasks and routines for yourself, and even add punishments and rewards you can give yourself.

I have even recommended Obedience to a couple of vanilla folks just as a way of helping them get organized in their lives.

I will throw in a quick rundown of Obedience in the event there are some folks here who don’t know much about it.

Obedience is an app that you can run on your phone or through the website that allows you to create tasks for your D/s Dynamic (even if you just have a dynamic of One). If you have a partner, you can connect your Obedience account to your partner’s account and assign them tasks to help build a routine. As tasks become routine or if a goal is reached, it can be moved off the app and replaced with something new.

My slave and I used Obedience to get our routines started, and we still use it to keep us on track. In addition to Obedience, we also use a shared Notes app where I can add additional one-off tasks quickly that she can simply check off. Within Obedience, one of her tasks is checking for additional tasks in the Notes app.

On a broader topic, the use of rewards and punishments can be great motivation for helping stay on track for your routines and reaching your goals. Punishments do not have to be physical like spankings or floggings. They can be corner time, or no screen time, or having to write lines in their journal.

The flip side is having something to work toward. Small goals may have a reward such as ice cream, while larger goals may earn a weekend trip away without the kids. Since these are rewards and punishments that work for your dynamic, the ball is entirely in your court in this instance. Within the Obedience App you can also use Reward Points that your submissive can then save up for larger rewards (like being allowed to orgasm without permission for the next five orgasms).

Some Final Thoughts

As always, communication is going to be your best method of making sure you are able to keep up with meeting any goals you may want to achieve. The best tools you will have will be those tools that help to communicate.

For a quick reference guide, take note of the below bullet points for building your Daily Kinky Routine:

Start Small – reach for the low-hanging leaf instead of immediately going for the stars
Begin with things you may already do just to get into the habit of tracking your goals and routines
Build on your successes – When you have achieved a goal, replace it with something new instead of leaving an empty slot in your day
Dominants need routines as well to provide structure for their submissives
Create tasks and routines that work for your dynamic – play to your strengths, don’t set up your partner for failure
Remember that building routines should be something that helps to enhance your dynamic, not make it feel like a chore – keep it fun and make rewards worth the punishments