Understanding Domspace: The Power High You Didn’t Know You Needed
written by Micah Brown
At the opposite end of the spectrum from subspace, we have Domspace. Where subspace is a place where the submissive becomes soft and pliant, and may feel their thoughts go mushy, Domspace is a laser-focused, hyperaware state of mind where the Dom becomes the authoritarian figure that their submissive craves. It provides the Dominant with a different kind of “high” than a submissive feels during their time in subspace.
Domspace may have an out-of-body aspect to it, but first and foremost, it comes with heightened awareness of the body that can increase the pleasure response and may include a low-level “buzz” that has been known to cause feelings of being “outside” the body. That “buzz” may have spikes the result in full body pleasure when the Dom is actively using their submissive. For example, there may be a spike in that sensation when a sadist brings the paddle down on their masochist sub.
Getting into the Groove
Finding your way into Domspace will involve some sort of stimuli that activates that part of your brain. Sexting, role-play, and even negotiating a scene, are all ways to start down the road that will lead to Domspace. While some Doms may find it incredibly easy to find that sweet spot and fall right into Domspace, others may find they need a little more encouragement to get fully into that headspace. Getting into Domspace isn’t a race, and finding a pace that makes you comfortable is the most important aspect.
If it takes you extra time to get into Domspace, start the play earlier in the day. Use sexting and having your submissive send naughty photos to you as a way to move that switch.
Types of Domspace
Just as no two submissive will have the same experience in subspace, Domspace is going to be different for every Dom. Some Doms may turn into the the knight-protector of their submissive, wanting to care for them and keep them safe. These types of Doms are often Daddy Doms, pet owners, and other “softer” type Doms.
“A soft Dom is no less of a Dom because of how they choose to exert their Dominance”
Other Doms may lean into becoming the authoritative figure that pushes their submissives to the limits to help build them into the strong and unique individual the Dominant knows they can be. How a Dominant comes to find their Dom persona is going to be a journey that involves trust, education, and experimentation.
If you’re unsure as to what kind of Dom you are or what kind of Dom you want to be, it’s important to take some time figure that out. It can tempting to try and cater who you are as a Dom into what you believe your submissive is looking for, but it’s always going to be a better experience if you are authentic with yourself and with your submissive.
If you need some guidance to find out what kind of Dom you might be, take some time to ponder these questions:
Is my goal to protect my submissive?
Do I enjoy inflicting pain as a way of teaching my submissive proper behavior?
Does the sight of tears arouse me?
Do I enjoy taking care of my submissive and watching out for them with a gentle, but firm demeanor?
What sorts of toys do I want to use with my submissive?
Do I enjoy watching my submissive color or do other “childish” things?
Do I like being called “Daddy?”
Do I like being called “Sir/Ma’am” or “Master/Mistress?”
When I arrive home, do I want my submissive greeting me on her knees or with a giant hug?
There are likely to be some answers that feel as though they contradict each other, but that’s to be expected. It’s okay to be a hard Dom and want to get hugs when you arrive home from work, for example. In such cases, you may allow your submissive to greet you with a hug before sinking to her knees and asking you for further instructions.
Find the Dom you are inside yourself and show that Dom to your submissive without a mask. It will benefit both of you.
The Domspace “High”
While we talked a little about it, it’s important to note that when a Dom enters Domspace, there is a marked switch in their personality. Many Doms refer to this as feeling “high.” While this isn’t quite as accurate as a submissive entering into subspace, there is a feeling of heightened awareness, sensation, and arousal when in Domspace.
An important distinction between subspace and Domspace is the fact a submissive must be considered to be under the influence when they are in subspace and that no additional negotiation should be had with a submissive when they are in subspace. A Dominant in Domspace does not have that same inability to make decisions. That doesn’t mean that they should renegotiate a scene - the submissive is already unable to properly consent if they are in subspace, but that the Dominant is able to pay close attention to the state of their submissive and understand better than their submissive when it might be time to stop the scene or change the activity of a scene (while staying within the agreed upon limits of the scene as a whole).
The Science of Domspace
While there hasn’t been as much research into Domspace as subspace, there has been some. For example, there is a hypothesis that a Dom’s brain will release noradrenaline during a scene when providing orders, degrading, or punishing their submissive within a scene. This release may help the Dominant empathize with their submissive, allowing the Dom to better guide their submissive as needed for the scene.
As with subspace, it is possible exist within different intensities of Domspace. For example, in a 24/7 style dynamic, whenever the Dom is home with their submissive, they may be a low intensity Domspace at all times in order to be a better Dom to their submissive. The submissive in these situations may be in a low intensity subspace at the same time. Hovering on the fringes of these mindsets allows the Dom and the sub the ability to quickly sink deeper into their headspace should that become necessary either for play or for guidance/punishment/consequences.
Domdrop
It’s certainly not a term that is is heard as often as “subdrop,” but it is something that can happen to a Dom after an intense scene. The symptoms of Domdrop aren’t as pronounced as those of subdrop, but they may incorporate similar feelings of disconnectedness, malaise, and sometimes even the feeling of coming down with a cold or illness due to tiredness and exhaustion.
Most of these sensations can be attributed to the release of chemicals in the brain during the scene such as endorphins and adrenaline. The sudden “drop” as the body recovers from the flood hormones and feel-good chemicals that have been at heightened levels during the course of the scene.
A Dom may become despondent, irritable, and may even suffer from guilt after an intense scene that caused their submissive (consensual) pain. It can be difficult to come to terms with the idea that you are aroused by causing somebody you care about pain, even if that individual enjoys the pain you cause. This can lead to a form of cognitive dissonance that is exhausting by itself, never mind everything else that’s going on after a scene.
Aftercare for Doms
Doms need aftercare just like submissives. It may look different than it does for a submissive, in fact it is nearly always complementary to the submissive. Because a Dom has worked their submissive hard, caused them (consensual) pain, and exhausted their body, the guilt we were talking about above can be assuaged by providing tender, loving care to our submissive after the scene is over. This helps us Dominants to connect emotionally with our submissive, let them know we care deeply about them, and help them to feel safe after a physically trying experience.
The act of giving aftercare to a submissive is, in fact, the very aftercare that a Dominant requires after an intense scene.
Some Final Words
Domspace is an experience that will be different for every Dom. While there will be similar beats to that sense of power and authority, how we display that, and how our submissives need us to display that for them, is going vary from dynamic to dynamic.
So long as everything remains consensual, there is no wrong way to be in Domspace. Be the soft Daddy Dom, or be the hard Authoritarian Dom that punishes for the smallest infraction. Whatever your Dom persona is, live its truth when it’s time to display it. Wrap yourself up in who you are as a Dom so that you best care for, train, and guide your submissive to be the best possible version of themselves.
