Avoiding Kink Burnout: Taking a Break Intentionally
written by Micah Brown
While we’ve talked about burnout in the past and some ways we might be able to deal with it, we will specifically focus today on how to avoid kink burnout by pausing your dynamic to reset. What is that going to look like for you? How does one organize a pause in a dynamic, and how do you come back from a pause in a dynamic?
As a quick refresher before diving into this, we’re focusing entirely on kink burnout. While burnout from other aspects of life may affect you in similar ways when it comes to kink, when you’re suffering kink burnout, it generally doesn’t have any impact on other aspects of your life.
The best way to manage kink burnout is to make sure you avoid it.
Stepping Back From Kink
For many who read this headline you may find yourself thinking that stepping back from kink means abandoning it forever. That is not the case. Especially if you are in a long-term relationship that incorporates a kink dynamic, it can be imperative to step outside of the dynamic and evaluate it before things start to feel stale and burnout begins to set in.
Small Steps
Even when things are going well, it’s important to take time to step outside of the dynamic and check in. If your dynamic is healthy and things are feeling good, it’s actually important to make the time to step outside of it to discuss how it’s going. Even if something is bothering you just a little bit you’ll want to bring it up as soon as you can.
For healthy dynamics, it’s a good idea to step outside of your dynamic once a week or so and have a conversation about how things are going, how you’re feeling about it, and if there is anything you need to change - even if it’s just for a week or a month due to job responsibilities, educational needs (finals, writing a thesis, and so forth), or other major life events that can get in the way of your normal dynamic. For example, if your submissive is supposed to be home at a certain time after work or classes, it may become necessary to suspend that while they complete a major project or finish their dissertation.
Having these weekly check-ins set outside the dynamic will help maintain a healthy dynamic by promoting communication and allowing issues to be brought up while they are still minor and not festering in the background and becoming something bigger and more difficult to manage.
Bigger Steps
While we are focusing on kink burnout in this article, it’s important to remember that your dynamic can be affected by things happening outside your relationship and that it’s important to pay attention to all aspects of your life. If you’re dealing with a chronic illness flaring up, the loss of a loved one, an unexpected change in your employment status, or even the impending birth of a child, it can throw off your balance and thereby throw off your carefully cultivated dynamic.
There could be things within your dynamic that are causing you stress that you haven’t had the opportunity to bring up, which can begin to fester and cause you to lose interest in the things that used to excite you about your dynamic. Whether it is life-related or directly kink-related, finding yourself uninspired by your kink is a sure sign of impending kink burnout.
If things have gone this far, it may be necessary to take a longer break from kink and your dynamic while you figure out what you need. Again, communication in this area is key so that those involved in the dynamic understand what is happening and why it is happening. Having your dynamic suddenly pulled out from under you can be devastating for somebody, especially when they don’t understand the reasons why it’s happening.
You may need to take a few weeks or even a few months away from the dynamic to get yourself and your life back under control.
That doesn’t mean that your dynamic is over. It doesn’t even mean that your relationship with your dynamic partner is over - especially if you’ve been living any kind of 24/7 lifestyle. What this means is that you take an extended period away from the kink side of things and have open, honest conversations about what kink means to you, and what steps should be taken to start to re-integrate your dynamic back into daily life.
Stepping Off the Cliff
Sometimes it may become necessary to take an extended break from kink before you start to resent it. If you’ve been with a partner who hasn’t respected your boundaries, if you’ve suffered through or you are suffering through an extended illness and your body needs to take the time heal, if loved ones are demanding your time due to health concerns, or the weight of your responsibilities within the kink dynamic have suddenly lost their luster, it could be that you you need an extended break from kink.
This, unlike the above discussions, could result in the ending of your current dynamic and relationship entirely. It could very well be that you still harbor a great love of kink, but your current situation is such that you are unable to enjoy it anymore. It could be that your current partner isn’t on the same wavelength in regard to kink at longer and that you’re starting to feel distanced from them and resentful of them.
“It’s okay to take an extended break from kink and still call yourself kinky.”
Take this time away from kink to reexamine your relationship to kink itself, not the relationship you had with those in your dynamic.
Do you still identify the same way? Have you shifted more toward another kink role that you’d like to explore?
Take the time you need to figure out what it is that you require in your kink dynamic.
Step Back by Choice, Not by Collapse
Whatever steps you need to take to avoid burnout before it happens, take them. It may be a five minute conversation every week to keep on top of issues, or it may be that you are beginning to feel the pressure of impending burnout and need to take a longer break. Whatever type of break you need to to avoid kink burnout can only be determined by you.
If you’re questioning whether or not you maybe approaching kink burnout, take a few minutes to ponder these questions:
Does my kink still excite me?
Does my/do my partner(s) still inspire my kink?
Do I find myself bored in scenes?
Does my kink role still feel like the right fit?
Does the idea of play still turn me on?
How do you feel after answering these questions? Do you have a better understanding of where you with your relationship to kink?
Remember to take the time to talk to your partner(s) about any issues you may feel could be leading you toward a kink burnout.
Needing to take a break from kink doesn’t mean that you are in kink burnout. The idea is to take the break when you choose to instead of landing in burnout and taking a break when you have to.
Stay safe. Communicate. Stay kinky.
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