Devotional BDSM: Rituals, Worship, and Strengthening Power Dynamics in Kink
written by Micah Brown
What Is Devotional BDSM?
Most people will likely not think about anything devotional when it comes to BDSM and kink. For the majority of those people who live outside Kink Culture, it may feel difficult to wrap your head around the idea of worshiping a Dominant or having a submissive worship you and provide devotions to you as they might a religious icon.
The fact of the matter is, for those who are in a BDSM relationship, the sacred aspects of these rituals and devotions can help to strengthen the bonds between the Dominant and submissive and provide a ritualistic way in which they can grow their dynamic together and feel closer in their power exchange.
For those who are interested in exploring or even furthering their Devotional BDSM, we have included some supplemental materials that you may find useful in creating your own rituals, devotions, worship, and sense of the sacred within your dynamic. Sections ofthese additional materials match with the headings of this article to help guide you on your journey. These materials are not meant to be absolute, and we encourage you to make something completely unique for your specific dynamic and needs.
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Creating a Devotional Space
People go to places of worship to feel closer to their chosen deity. Christians go to church, Jewish people attend Temple, and Pagans often find themselves surrounded by nature. Like somebody’s religion and relationship with spirituality, the sacredness of your kink is going to be very personal, which means the space that you set-up for devotions is also going to be very personal.
The Devotional Space is where the submissive is going to spend their time giving devotions to their Dominant even when the Dominant is not present. My slave does devotions every morning after I’ve left for work, for example. Even if I’m not there, she goes to her devotional space and spends the time to feel close to me and strengthen her sense of submission.
While the setup of your Devotional Space is going to be very personal, there are some key items that will help you start the process.
Daily Devotions in BDSM
Now that the space itself has been set up, what is a submissive supposed to do? What are devotionals and how does a submissive approach them?
Devotionals are an essential part of worship within a BDSM dynamic that makes use of the idea of sacred BDSM and Kink. These are words and actions that can be used by the submissive within their devotional space to help ground them in their submission, connect them to their core sense of service, and help them to see their Dominant as a guiding light to help them find their way.
Concurrently, the Dominant shoulders a massive amount of responsibility for a submissive who devotes so much of their time and energy to devotionals and worship. They must be able to help guide their submissive through the tougher parts of life and find their own inner strength to face the trials the world outside their dynamic may throw at them.
A successful Dominant is one whose submissive is able to stand on their own in real-life situations and who does not rely on their Dominant to save them but can rely on their Dominant to be there for them after a difficult day - even if they cannot be there physically, the act of their devotions to their Dominant can help them feel closer and melt away the more stressful parts of the day.
Setting aside a specific time for a submissive to perform Daily Devotionals helps them build a routine that will always keep their Dominant in mind. While these daily devotionals are an important part of the overall sense of sacred BDSM, devotionals do not need to be relegated to just that time. Having devotionals ready to recite like prayers during stressful parts of the day can be helpful for the submissive to recenter themselves and feel the comforting presence of their Dominant.
Worship in BDSM: Honoring the Dominant-Submissive Relationship
The idea of worship is to provide the Dominant reassurance of your continued submission and help to grow your submission to something beautiful. Worship is not simply the act of sitting and singing songs and saying prayers. While the first definition of worship focuses on the idea of a deity, the Oxford English Dictionary’s third definition fits better into the idea of Sacred BDSM:
“Adoration or devotion comparable to religious homage, shown toward a person or principle.”
In this, the submissive is providing worship to their Dominant in the same way an individual who is religious may show adoration and reverence toward a deity or pantheon of deities.
Worship can be done in many ways throughout the day by honoring the Dominant in everything the submissive does. While Daily Devotionals certainly fall into the category of Worship, simply keeping the Dominant at the forefront of one’s mind while doing even the most mundane tasks can help a submissive feel closer to their Dom. At the same time, a Dominant may require that certain tasks are performed with a certain level of reverence for the tasks themselves.
Of course, aside from keeping the Dominant in mind during mundane tasks like making coffee, there are other forms of worship that may not be daily, but may require some ritual to them. Terms like Cock/Cunt Worship and Body Worship may have a sense of the perverted, these can be very real rituals that the Dominant may want the submissive to perform.
BDSM Rituals: How Repetition and Symbolism Deepen Dynamics
The idea of rituals in sacred BDSM and Kink goes beyond the little things that are done every day. While they are little rituals to show the Dominant respect and love, larger rituals can be performed to allow the bonds of submission to become stronger and more comforting. Rituals can be developed for any type of Worship we’ve already talked about, creating a more defined and sacred aspect to the worship itself.
Rituals may be very complex or very simple. The ritual that works for your dynamic may not work for others, so we’ve provided some very basic ideas to start with in our supplementary document. A coconut oil massage may sound very generic, but how you build that into your own ritual it may become complex and provide a much deeper connection. There may be specific steps involved to ready the Dominant for the massage, specific towels to lay out, music to put on, lighting to create. Perhaps the Dominant requires a specific outfit for such rituals.
Final Thoughts: Embracing Ritual and Devotion in Kink
The fact is that these types of relationships foster a growing sense of commitment and adoration that goes both ways. It may sound arrogant for a Dominant to ask their submissive to worship them, but remember that these are all acts of love, even if they are acts that the vanilla world wouldn’t see that way. The submissive wants to be able to worship their Dominant in these dynamics and the Dominant enjoys the worship.
At the end of the day, we can find the sacred within any loving relationship, but kink can often be a little more literal about following through with the worship aspect of it. If a ritualistic, worship-filled kinky relationship isn’t for you, we wholly understand. There are many types of dynamics out there and not everybody will fit into the same type.
They both get something out of the exchange and it helps them to grow not only their dynamic, but their love and affection for each other as well.
I believe it is improper to leave this article without addressing the fact that, as with any relationship, there is a potential for the dynamic and the participants to be abused.
If anything feels wrong or unsafe beyond what was decided, a Safe Word should be used so that a conversation can occur around what makes you uncomfortable.
