Exploring Dominant Types in BDSM: Understanding Roles and Dynamics
written by Micah Brown
If you read last week’s blog on the Sub-Type of Submissives, you are already aware of the more typical BDSM terms for the roles most commonly found within a BDSM dynamic:
Dominants
Submissives
Switches
From a wide view, this does break down the dynamics in a clear triad, but it does not tell the whole story. There are different types of each of these groupings.
My focus today is going to be strictly on Dominants and some of the common types of Dominant you can find within the BDSM community.
What Are Dominant Roles in BDSM?
A Dominant is an individual who prefers to be in control during a BDSM session. They are the ones who may meet out punishment, do the spanking, act as the “Daddy”, or a plethora of other possible roles. If somebody is unfamiliar with BDSM dynamic outside of what they see in pop culture, they may imagine a person in leather holding a whip or a riding crop with somebody kneeling before them.
As with submissives, Dominants are not always the type to hold a whip, or even perform punishments as somebody might imagine. There is a difference between a Soft Dom and a Hard Dom (not that kind of hard), and even within the various types of Dom, that distinction can exist.
Examples of Dominant Types in BDSM
Hard Doms and Soft Doms
Often, but not always, a Hard Dom may identify as a Sadist and will often, but not always, have a masochistic submissive as their play partner. Hard Doms tend to be more strict and demanding than Soft Doms . They tend to administer more severe punishments when a submissive breaks the rules or expectations that have been laid out.
A Soft Dom, on the other hand, will have a gentler touch. They may teach with more of a focus on positive reinforcement rather than punishment. They tend to be cuddly and often give their submissives tender care. If there is any kind of physical punishment, a Soft Dom will often have a gentle approach to the punishment and to the aftercare.
It is possible to have a Dom who is a mix of hard and soft, and more often than not, it is this mix that is the most common – though one may lean more definitively into one or the other. In my own experience, I tend to be more of a Hard Dom in many ways, but I am a big Softie when it comes to aftercare* and snuggle time when we are not in session.
*It is important to note that both Soft and Hard Doms provide aftercare and might need it themselves after a scene.
Bedroom Doms
A bedroom Dom is, as you may expect, a Dominant type who keeps the kink in the bedroom only. They find an outlet in the sexual side of kink and BDSM and do not wish to take that play outside of the bedroom. For them, it is all about the powerplay in the sexual dynamic with their partner. They have fun, give their spankings, and then when it is over, they return to a more vanilla life outside the confines of the sheets (or whatever room they happen to be in).
Even though the Dom side of an individual may exist just within the bedroom, that does not mean that they do not also identify as one of the many other types of Doms listed here (or not listed here) as well.
Service Top
The definition of a Service Top is a Dominant type that enjoys performing services for their submissive that the submissive enjoys. While sometimes viewed as “not a real Dominant” by some parts of the kink community, it is important to remember that ways in which those within a dynamic view their roles are valid. There are certainly many ways for a Service Top to be the one in charge even if it does not always look like it.
One simple example would be a Service Top who does things for a submissive who may frequently overwhelm themselves with lists of things to do. A service Dom can pick up on this and take a few of those items off the submissives plate. While this may sound like any healthy relationship, it is frequently the case that a Service Top is in a dynamic with somebody who has trouble asking for help, so the Dom must step in and provide the service for the submissive even when they’re not asked to. This can both satisfy the Dominant’s need to provide a service for their submissive while also demonstrating to the submissive that they aren’t the one in control and that it’s okay to let their Top be in control from time to time.
Owners
Whereas a submissive may identify as either a pet or a slave, a Dominant who is in a dynamic with either of these submissive types would be considered an Owner, though the role of the Top will be slightly different depending on whether they own a pet or a slave. While collars are commonly seen in the BDSM and kink community, they tend to hold a special place with pets and slaves.
pet Owner
An Owner who has a pet will be very focused on the type of pet their submissive is. How a Dominant interacts with their submissive will depend on whether they are into kitten play, puppy play, pony play, or another type of pet entirely. The role of the Dominant in pet play is to allow the submissive to express their animalist traits while guiding them to be the best “pet” they can possibly be. In the case of puppy play, a Dominant may work on clicker-training their pet in the same way somebody might do clicker-training with a dog.
Those who are into kitten play may take a more playful approach and like to bat around toys on the floor or interact with their Dominant by chasing strings or even laser pointers. Dominants who are pet owners become very well versed in how their pet will communicate with them when in “pet space”* as they often become non-verbal.
slave Owner
A slave Owner is a type of Dominant who has entered into a Dominant/slave dynamic with their submissive, often referred to as Master/slave or Mistress/slave though there are non-binary slave owners as well. Often seen as one of the more extreme examples of the BDSM and Kink dynamic, this style of relationship relies on the submissive being expected to do as they are told without question or hesitation. A Dominant in this type of dynamic will take great amounts of time and effort to help their slave become the most perfect version of themselves in order to serve them better. While the stereotypical outlook on this type of dynamic is that of a cruel Dom endlessly whipping his unwilling slave, that is not generally how an Owner views his slave in a healthy dynamic. A slave Owner may have high expectations for their submissive around such things as appearance, presentation, posture, and speech patterns. In addition, they may also require their slave to spend time reading, writing in a journal, exercising, and doing other things that the slave may not do so willingly on their own but want help with.
Sadist
A sadist is a type of Dominant who enjoys causing pain in their submissive. This enjoyment most often comes as sexual arousal, though a scene heavy in pain may not result in a traditional penetrative sexual act or even orgasm, as the thrill of causing the pain may be enough for the Dominant to feel satisfied. A Sadist is most often paired with a masochistic submissive who enjoys being hurt as much as their partner enjoys hurting them. Watching a scene between a Dominant Sadist and submissive masochist is very intense, but the connection between the two both within and after the scene is incredibly strong. For individuals to take part in such risky play, they both must have deep trust in each other and a deep understanding of each other’s boundaries.
Brat Tamer
As a brat is a submissive who enjoys aggravating their Dominant in the hopes of getting a specific reaction, a Brat Tamer is a Dominant who enjoys the challenge of a dynamic with a brat and finding ways to bring them “into line” without giving into what the sub wants. If a brat can successfully control their Dominant into giving them what they want by being bratty, this is sometimes seen as “topping from the bottom.”
As an example, if a brat is looking for a spanking because they enjoy being spanked, they may try to break the rules to “earn” a spanking from their Dominant. A good Brat Tamer will realize the type of game the brat is playing, and instead of the brat earning a spanking, they may end up writing 300 lines stating that they will not break that rule again. In this way, the brat receives the guidance they seek, not the reward, and the Dominant remains at the “top.”
Parental Dominants
While Mommy and Daddy are the most common forms of address for this type of Dominant, with the broader understanding of gender and its place, I will refer to them here as Parental Dominants in order to be more inclusive.
Parental Dominants generally pair well with littles and middles. Where the little or middle may be seeking the guiding hand of a parental figure when they are in their little space, a Parental Dominant enjoys the role of being that guide.
Please note that when we speak of littles and middles, we specifically refer to adults who enjoy role-playing as younger versions of themselves.
Parental Dominants can be soft or hard depending on the dynamic they build with their partner(s). Their purpose is very much like that of a parent: to help guide their partner(s) and provide both a gentle, nurturing environment and an environment where there is accountability.
How this looks within any dynamic will differ based on the agreements and understandings of those within the dynamic.
Ending the Session
There are many varieties of the Dominant types we discussed here today, as well as many other types of Dominants that we will touch on in the future. Dominant types can cross over – like having a Sadistic Parental Dominant, or a Brat Taming Pet Owner.
Once you have found the perfect Dominant to match your submissive nature, the Obedience App can help you find the balance you need in creating habits, setting rules, and even giving you rewards you can earn, and punishments for when you have misbehaved. Whether you are living together or on the other side of the world from each other, the App is there to help you grow and refine your dynamic.
Now, go write 100 lines of: “I am a good submissive and I deserve a good Dominant.”
