written by Micah Brown

Sweaty, bruised, possibly bleeding, tear stained, and out of breath. When you’re done with an intense scene, this very well could be a portrait of your submissive. The emotional highs and lows of an intense scene coupled with the physical endurance that comes with many kinky activities can leave a submissive (and the Dominant) quite exhausted on every level. This is why aftercare is so important at the conclusion of an intense scene. It helps to ground the submissive back into the real world, allows for emotional and physical intimacy without the pain of the scene, and shows them that you care enough to not only hurt them when they enjoy it, but to help them come back to themselves after the hurting is over.

So, how do you aftercare?

Aftercare Starts Before the Scene Begins

Before any scene begins it’s important to negotiate not only the scene, but the aftercare that comes after the scene has concluded. Your submissive partner is the only one who really knows what they need during aftercare and can communicate that to you. Trying to communicate anything at the end of a scene is nearly impossible because the submissive will only be at the very early stages of coming back to themselves after the intensity of play.

Not Everybody Needs the Same Aftercare

While there can be overlaps in what people need in their aftercare, it’s going to be different from person to person. While one person may need to be cocooned in blankets, given hot cocoa, and have cartoons put on, somebody else may need to be spread out completely naked on the softest material possible, with a sleep mask over their eyes, aroma therapy, and no physical contact whatsoever from anybody until their ready to curl up with you and relax into your gentle touch.

Knowing what somebody needs before it’s time is going to make the aftercare experience far better. If possible, and it’s not always going to be possible, you want to discuss aftercare before getting together with your playmate so you can have everything they need. Imagine your partner exhausted, unable to speak, only vaguely coherent, getting the Capri Sun juice pouch you know they wanted for aftercare, a bowl of Bugles snacks, and a cool washcloth around their neck that they had asked for previously? You knew that’s what they needed for aftercare so you had it on hand and provided it for them. Now they feel safe, cared for, and comforted.

There are those who may need very little in terms of aftercare. How much aftercare somebody needs is highly personal and nobody should judge them for it. Whether it’s five minutes or five hours, helping that time to be something special is going to make a huge impact.

Consider and Communicate Your Needs

If you’re fairly new to the scene, you may not yet know exactly what you need for aftercare and that’s okay. You need to start somewhere. Think about things that make you feel happy and relaxed. Do you like to bundle into blankets when you’re feeling lonely or scared? What do you do after an exceptionally strenuous workout? How do you want your partner to act toward you directly after your scene has ended while you recover?

Think about these sorts of things and it will help you build out an idea of what your aftercare might look like. You may learn that something you thought you wanted, you don’t, and you may find that you’re craving things you didn’t even consider before. Just make sure that as you explore, you take note of the things you need for your own aftercare.

Caring For Your submissive After a Scene

If your submissive has told you what they need after a scene, be sure you are able to provide that for them before you start the scene. If they have a list of snacks they like, be sure to have those on hand, along with whatever they may want to drink to help rehydrate themselves after an especially intense session.

If they don’t provide you with a full list of things you think they may end up wanting, make sure to have those things on hand anyway. They may ask you to get them some water, but offering them Lime-Blasted Gatorade because it’s their favorite will show them that you’re paying attention to the things they like and that you care enough to have it around for them if they need it. Even if they really do just want water, knowing you went to the trouble of having that Lime-Blasted Gatorade on hand will help them feel more secure and at ease the next time.

Blankets, pillows, and very soft things are likely going to be important to your submissive after playtime is over. If there was impact play, welts, or bruising after a session, having some kind of balm to help ease the sting could be quite useful and getting them comfortable.

If there are favorite movies, TV shows, or music they enjoy when they’re tired, having those queued up for them will likely have them feeling more themselves in no time.

Let them sleep. If they fall asleep during aftercare, let them sleep. Their body was just put through some intense experiences and they likely need the rest. Make them as comfortable as possible, and just be a calming, peaceful presence around them so when they wake up, they know you’re there for them with anything they need.

Aftercare is Longer Than You Think

While you may think that aftercare is just the immediate period of time after the session has ended and your submissive is recovering, you need to understand that it may likely go on for a couple of days, though in a much different way.

Even with the best immediate aftercare a submissive may still experience sub-drop a day or two after a scene has concluded. This is where they may experience symptoms that are similar to depression, where their moods are low, their energy levels are low, and they may require additional sleep and rest during that time. While you’re not waiting on them in the same way you were during immediate aftercare, it is likely they will still need your support during this time and you should consider this extra time to be an extension of their aftercare.

Just be there for them, listen to what they need from you, and do your best to make life as easy for them as possible during those few days.

In Conclusion

Aftercare is a part of any scene you’re doing. You must be prepared to provide exceptional aftercare to your partner at the end of an extensive and intense scene. Be ready to provide the care and attention needed directly after the session and be ready to provide the additional care required over the next couple of days after the session has ended.

Make sure that you take the time to talk about aftercare during any negotiations you’re taking part in prior to play. If they don’t bring it up, you make sure to bring it up. Aftercare is one of the most important aspects of kink and something that should never be glossed over or forgotten.