Preventing Drop in BDSM: The Role of Aftercare for Dominants and Submissives

written by Micah Brown

During an intense scene, both the Dominant and submissive can experience some incredible highs. That floating, out-of-body experience can take pleasure for both sides of the slash to new heights. For those who practice BDSM and kink, intense sessions bring a release that’s difficult to explain to others who don’t take part. Even if somebody doesn’t climax during a session, the release from the session itself is enough to satiate the participants.

However, when things are so elevated, and pleasure chemicals have flooded the brain for long periods of time, it is not unusual for those individuals to suffer a “drop.” While it is easy to find conversations, information, research, and articles around the subject of sub-drop, the same cannot be said for Dom-drop. While it may not be as pronounced as sub-drop, it is very real.

What Is Drop?

Drop is the physical and emotional “crash” one may feel after an intense play session. If you think about it like a sugar crash after eating an entire bag of Halloween candy, you can get a very basic idea of what we’re talking about.

Drop for somebody in the kink community is going to be a much deeper, much more profound experience than the crash that comes after binging a bunch of sugar or even alcohol. Imagine taking part in a triathlon where you are putting your body through some incredible strain while at the same time experiencing the most amazing pleasure of your entire life, and then having to attend the funeral of somebody you loved dearly. Now, imagine how you feel physically and emotionally at the end of that day. How exhausted are you going to be from all of that?

This is a close approximation to what happens to somebody during a drop. An intense scene's emotional highs and lows are added to the physical recovery necessary after a pain-heavy experience. As the endorphins and adrenaline begin to wear off, emotional exhaustion and physical fatigue can become almost overwhelming and result in a depressive state of mind if not addressed adequately after the scene has ended.

The common term for taking care of somebody after a scene is Aftercare.

What is Aftercare?

Aftercare is providing physical and emotional support after a scene to help the individual deal with the crash from dopamine, adrenaline, and other hormones leaving the system after having been at heightened levels for an extended period of time. From the outside, it appears that aftercare is provided to the submissive by the Dominant after a scene has ended, though there is more nuance to that dynamic than appears on the surface.

What aftercare looks like will vary greatly depending on the individual and their dynamic. While one person may want to be bundled into a blanket burrito, fed snacks, and zone out watching Disney movies, somebody else may want to be bathed and pampered. Maybe they don’t want to be touched at all, but they want a comforting presence in the room with them while their body comes down and their hypersensitivity reduces to a more manageable state.

Whatever form aftercare takes for you and your dynamic, it’s important to remember that providing aftercare for a submissive is, in and of itself, an act of aftercare for the dominant.

What Happens Without Aftercare?

Sub-drop can be an incredibly devastating experience for a submissive. The emotional toll of play can be incredibly high for those who participate in scenes that include Consensual Non-Consent (CNC), fear play, or other highly emotional scenarios. High levels of fear and stress can cause cortisol levels to rise, increasing blood pressure and heart rate, triggering the fight-or-flight response. Without aftercare, a submissive might spiral and suffer a depressive episode. In addition, the physical toll it can take on the body may result in the submissive feeling as though they are coming down with a cold or the flu. In contrast, their body focuses on healing any injuries that may have (consensually) occurred during playtime. The emotional and physical effects of play can last for days without aftercare.

For a Dominant who doesn’t get/provide the aftercare they need, emotional lows may occur in the form of guilt for having hurt (consensually) their partner, or just the recovery period of the reduction of dopamine and adrenaline in the blood. The physical recovery of a Dominant, eminently one who was Topping in the scene, is likely to be much less intense than that of the submissive, especially if impact play, sharps play, or other damaging sorts of play were involved in the scene. That doesn’t mean a Dominant won’t have an emotional response to the play itself. Especially in the context of CNC, intense impact play, or sharp play, the Dominant is dealing with emotions around having caused their submissive both (consensual) emotional and physical pain during the session.

In the moment, these sensations can bring about that “high” feeling of increased pleasure. Still, afterward, when the body is crashing from all the heightened chemicals, there can come an increased sense of guilt and deep concern for the well-being of their submissive partner.

Aftercare to the Rescue

The most effective form of aftercare for a Dominant is providing aftercare to a submissive. This helps them face their own potential feelings of guilt and allows them to reassure their partner that they are loved, cared for, and safe. They also hear from their partner that they feel safe and cared for.

For a submissive, receiving quality aftercare from their Dominant is going to make a huge difference in how they recover from the scene and how they feel hours and even days after the scene has ended. Being reassured, pampered, snuggled, loved, and/or provided with favorite snacks after a good scene will help the submissive rebalance their body and psyche and make it easier to reintegrate into their daily life without feeling hollow or lost.

Take Good Care

It’s important to note that aftercare is not a cure-all for the aftereffects of an intense play session. Just because you received or provided aftercare doesn’t mean you won’t experience some sense of Drop. The purpose of aftercare is to help reduce the strength of any drop, not eliminate it entirely. Emotional exhaustion and physical recovery will take time, but with good aftercare, that time can be greatly reduced.

Aftercare is important for both the Dominant and submissive in a scene. Sit down with your partner, discuss what aftercare needs to look like for you, and build a routine that works to meet your needs. If your Dominant needs to cater to your needs more strongly than you feel they need to, remember that their acts of aftercare toward you are their own form of aftercare. Be honest with each other about what works and what doesn’t.

In the end, it’s all about taking care of each other.