Introduction to Consensual Non-Consent (CNC): Types, Safety, and Aftercare in BDSM

written by Micah Brown

Introduction to CNC cover

Many in the vanilla world may look at Consensual Non-Consent as some kind of sexual assault. If you’re witnessing that type of play without any understanding of how this kind play functions, then it would very much look like that from an outsider’s view. CNC is intense, it’s emotional, it may contain controlled violence, and watching it can be frightening (being inside a scene like this can also be frightening, but we’ll get to that).

The major difference is that when you’re involved in a scene that includes CNC, that scene is discussed by the participants beforehand. Every aspect of the scene is negotiated and carefully controlled, and there is a safe word that can be used to stop the play immediately should somebody become overwhelmed or need a break from its intensity.

And CNC play is intense.

3 Myths about CNC cover

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Types of CNC

There are as many different possible forms of CNC play as you can imagine, but they can generally be broken down into a few categories that have a range of physical and/or emotional force behind the intent of the play.

Assault Play

I figure we’ll get this one out of the way first because it’s what springs to mind for many people when they hear CNC. The idea behind this type of scene is to role-play a physically forced sexual encounter. Threats, controlled physical violence, and rough penetration can all be a part of what’s often called “rape play”. Some common roleplay scenarios for this type of play may include:

  • Home invasion

  • Date rape

  • Random encounter

  • Kidnapping

This is by no means an exhaustive list. Your imagination and your personal comfort levels are really your only limits.

Coercion Play

Coercion Play is an approach to CNC that could include multiple different avenues for “convincing” somebody to have sexual relations. Again, all the aspects of this play will be negotiated beforehand so there are no surprises during the play itself (I will reiterate this frequently throughout this article because it’s important). These sorts of scenarios may have a larger focus on the roleplay aspect of the play, where two characters are in a scenario where coercion becomes the central theme. Of course, you could have it negotiated that coercion play leads into a more violent assault scene at the end, but that’s not how it has to come to an end.

Some ideas for coercion play could be:

  • A student trying to get a higher grade and the professor attempting to get sexual favors for the grade

  • A photographer working with a first-time model and using racy photos they’d taken to blackmail the model into sexual activities

  • A private detective approaching the person they were hired to follow and promising not to expose their affair if the individual provides sexual favors for them

  • A coach promising an athlete a starting position in the next game for sex

  • A boss offering a promotion for sexual activity

Whatever scenario might get you turned on, talk to your partner about it and negotiate something that gets both of you aroused just talking about it.

Psychological CNC

You can likely put some of what happens in coercion play into psychological play as well, but the major part here is a more focused approach to the psychology aspect of the play. An example could be using fear as a manner of arousal.

When it comes to fear-based CNC, the idea is to cause true fear in the submissive within agreed upon limitations. What produces fear in the submissive is going to differ for everybody, whether it’s exposure to a phobia or the threat of harm or violence against them. Once again, the level of fear is negotiated beforehand and there is a safe word that can be used if anybody feels it’s become too intense.

But not all Psychological CNC is going to be based on fear in that way. There are Stockholm Syndrome scenes you can do, or setup an interrogation scene that leads to the threat and eventual act of (simulated) rape.

A softer type of psychological play is gaslighting and/or manipulation play where the submissive is “worn down” psychologically as their reality is questioned until they give in. This type of scene may not be something that’s quick and could be done over several days or even weeks. This sort of play is again negotiated beforehand with clear limits as to what is what or is not allowed during this time.

Roleplay CNC

I’m separating this out because I think there are so many different possibilities here to include roleplay within CNC it should be discussed separately. Even though many of the types of CNC we have already discussed are based on roleplay scenarios, I think touching on some of the more common and some of the more obscure types of CNC roleplay is important.

While many people enjoy a grounded in reality experience with their CNC, there is a large group of folks who enjoy a more fantastical element to their play. Instead of a student and professor, maybe it’s an alien abduction play where the submissive in the scene is being “experimented” on and “used” by an alien scientist.

Maybe the submissive is being investigated for being a witch and has the “threat” of being burned at the stake or hung behind held over them as the “Inquisitor” inspects their body for the mark of the Devil.

Perhaps a religious student has been called to the Priests Chambers where they are forced to perform sexual acts to be “forgiven.”

Violence in Consensual Non-Consent

For many, the violence and fear are the whole point of CNC. Whether it’s the submissive’s need to feel fear and become aroused by it, or the Dominants enjoyment of causing fear in their submissive, that type of CNC is always going to require a deeper level of trust and safety when you’re taking part in it.

Scenes that include breath play, extended periods of bondage, strong resistance play (where the submissive fights back against the Dominant), any kind of sharps play (knives, scalpels, needles, etc.), must be carefully discussed and limits must be clearly defined and respected during the play.

Safety In Consensual Non-Consent

I’ve beaten the drum of the Safe Word within CNC and I will keep on beating it. It’s vital to have a safe word ready to use in the event things get too intense for you to handle. Whether you’re the Dominant or the submissive, the safe word is there to protect both participants. A Dominant may use a safe word if they feel their submissive is taking on too much, or if they reach a point where they are uncomfortable doing anything more to the submissive even it was previously agreed upon – OR if the submissive is asking the Dominant to go beyond the confines of the agreed upon limits while in sub-space (a submissive cannot consent to more than they agreed to while in sub-space).

As with any type of kink or BDSM play, always have that discussion before you begin a scene. Negotiate every time, even if you’ve been partners for years. Keep it safe, keep consent fully informed, and don’t deviate from what was agreed on.

Aftercare With CNC

Aftercare must be provided always, but most importantly, whenever there is an especially intense scene, whether it’s CNC or another type of scene. A powerful CNC scene may bring up a ton of emotions and leave individuals feeling drained both physically and emotionally. Proper aftercare is an important part of the negotiation process and must be approached seriously. Listen to your partner about what they need for aftercare and be certain you are going to be able to provide it for them. Whether it’s being wrapped up in a blanket and snuggled while watching movies or placed into a warm bath and read to while candles burn around the tub, aftercare after CNC must be second to none.

Conclusion

Consensual Non-Consent can be an incredibly intense experience. It can also be incredibly rewarding for both the Dominant and the submissive. You want to make absolutely certain that your approach to CNC is open, honest, and safe. It is not an exaggeration to say that a poorly planned out CNC scene can easily become a truly non-consensual situation which isn’t somebody anybody wants.

Being interested in CNC isn’t a bad thing. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. After all, CNC isn’t about the desire to actually cause serious harm to another individual, it’s about emotional and physical release and feeling satiated at the end of the scene.

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