written by Micah Brown

Long-distance relationships are hard. There’s a sense of longing that often goes along with them, since there is a lack of physical touch (we acknowledge that some people do not like physical touch and respect that this could be a benefit for them). While there are many different avenues out there to learn more about intimacy, sexuality, and sexy kink in regard to long-distance relationships, there hasn’t been a whole lot of focus on the non-sexual side of kink when it comes to this type of relationship. And as we all know, because I tell everybody every week, kink is not synonymous with sex, even if there is a fairly large crossover between the two.

So, what can we do to keep the dynamic feeling alive outside of kinky, sexy fun-times? Well, there are plenty of options! My goal is to help you find some of the options and activities that will work for your dynamic. I may not get to everybody since there are so many variations, but I do hope that something you read here will resonate with you enough to tweak the idea to fit your personal dynamic and preference.

Rituals and Tasks

Rituals don’t have to be Dom worship (but it certainly can be a part of your day). Rituals here just mean making daily habit sequences that make you feel connected to your D/s partner. What that looks like will depend entirely on the type of dynamic you have with your partner.

When my partner and I weren’t living together, we used the Obedience App heavily to stay connected. I provided her with tasks that needed to be completed during the course of the day. She would feel closer to me as she checked those tasks off and I would feel closer to her whenever I got a notification telling me that something had been checked off.

While not super sexy (but again, kink doesn’t have to be sex-oriented), many of her tasks were things like keeping her space organized and drinking enough liquid. Little things that I knew she struggled with in her daily life that could also help her feel connected to me.

Now that we’re married, we still use the Obedience App, but of course it’s adapted to living together and sharing space. I’ve gone over some that before and as this is all about long distance, I won’t go into what our Obedience App looks like as of today.

If you’re in a Dom/slave relationship, then providing your slave with clear instructions on tasks they need to accomplish during the day. Those tasks can be domestic-style chores, creativity-focused tasks, journaling, taking a long walk, or meditating (or anything else you like). If you’re going to have your slave journal for you, provide prompts fairly often. I like seeing what my slave comes up with for journal entries on her own, but providing prompts when you’re far apart is a great way to feel more connected.

The Obedience App allows you to request Photo Proof of task completion. This is a great way to keep tabs on your submissive and know that they are doing what they are supposed to be doing. If you tell them to go for a walk, have them send you a photo of something interesting from their walk each time they go out. If they are supposed to drink more water, have them send photos of their water bottle every hour to show that it’s being done as requested.

To give you a starting point, I’m providing a few options for daily rituals and tasks you can implement either with the Obedience App or through a system of your own devising.

You may decide on a completely different set of rituals and expectations, but having something written down and tangible that your submissive can look at and follow easily will help them to be the best submissive. Just make sure you give them the appropriate amount of praise for being so very good.

On the other hand, if you have partner who is a little or a pet, your daily rituals for them could have some differences. For example, you may want to make certain that your little is eating a healthy breakfast most mornings – cereal is not always appropriate or should be paired with a protein source.

Pets will need encouragement to get some energy out and may require a more firm hand when it comes to physical activities or going to the gym. Both littles and pets may need a firmer hand in doing things that keep their brains active. For littles, you can have them create art – but make sure it’s physical media and not just digital art. It’s important to keep littles from spending too much time on the screen.

Pets may enjoy puzzles (but littles may enjoy them as well). Something to keep their brain active so they don’t lose the connection with their body and flail all over the place while bored.

All I can do is provide some ideas for things that MAY work for you.

Communication

This is a common subject that appears over and over in these entries. Communication in kink is important because it helps us understand our needs, desires, limits, and comfort. When we are far away from each other, communication is a must. While sending text messages all day is cute, there needs to be more than a screen with words. Be sure you spend time speaking to each other or, better yet, doing a video chat so that you can also see each other. Being able to read facial expressions, see each other’s eyes, and provide smiles that you can see is an incredibly important dynamic for growth.

Having your submissive kneel while on screen with you will help you feel connected as their Dom and help them to let go and be at peace as your submissive. I have my slave kneel at my feet the moment she is home from work – but when you’re far apart, the closest you can get to that moment of dynamic cohesion is going to be through that video call. For dynamics that include kneeling, this act can literally help the submissive drain out all the stress of their day and refocus their attention on their Dominant and focus their attention on serving.

For littles, asking them to share their day, show you pictures they’ve drawn, and talk about how they felt about events of the day are going to be big winners in most cases. That care you’re showing them is going to go a long way in strengthening the bond between the Caretaker (Daddy or Mommy) and the little.

Wrapping Up

At the end of the day, only you and your partner know what your dynamic is. You may find some direction in what I’ve written here, or it may not spark anything at all, and that’s fine. My experience will be different than yours, and our needs will not be your needs. If nothing else, I hope this helps create a dialog for you and your partner to help build a richer, more fulfilling kink dynamic that meets all your needs.