Strengthening D/s When Your Dynamic is Long Distance

written by Micah Brown

The age of the internet has created an incredible opportunity for people to find partners all over the world. It’s opened up the potential for those who tend to be introverts to find people they can connect with outside the stress of having to deal with crowds of people, noise, and figuring out transportation. While these may seem like normal, everyday things for extroverts and neurotypical folks, not having to go through all that can literally be a life changer for neurodivergent and introverted individuals.

With the ability to find a partner (or partners) from a distance, the question then becomes how you can strengthen your relationship when you’re hundreds or thousands of miles apart. It becomes even more complex when you’re entering into a D/s dynamic that requires a different type of interaction from everybody involved in order for those parts of the relationship to feel fulfilling.

If you read no further than here, then the basic answer is communication. Talk, text, email, write letters. Talk about movies, books, comics, tv shows, or whatever comes into your head. Everything we’ll talk about from here comes back to the general idea of communication.

Using the Written Word to Maintain Intimacy and Power Exchange

I don’t have the numbers, but were I to hazard a guess, I would say that most online communications begin with the written word. Whether it’s dating apps or flirting with another audience member in a Twitch Stream, the first impression that we get of somebody online is often what they say and how they say it. Sure, the guy in the photo on the dating app may look good with his shirt off, but what if he likes pineapple on pizza? Or doesn’t like pineapple on pizza? What if, when he starts communicating, he does so in a way that you cannot stand?

Considering the long-distance relationship you have likely begun typing back and forth, keeping that communication style alive can help strengthen your relationship. If you’ve not yet met in person, it’s quite possible that your very first intimate moments with this person were through the written word – and don’t let anybody tell you that intimacy through text or letters is somehow less than intimacy in person.

One of the most wonderful things about the written word is the fact that you can pause for a moment or two before you decide to send it to make certain that what you intend to say is clearly stated. On the other hand, one of the downsides is that it can also be too structured at times and may lack the natural give and take of conversations that happen in real time. 

Regarding the written word and D/s relationships, it can be exciting to see the little dots appear as you wait for your Dom to send along instructions you know you will need to follow – or as you wait for your submissive to send along photographic proof that your instructions have been appropriately followed.

There are all kinds of delightfully naughty ways to make use of the written word when you are within a D/s relationship that don’t just focus on the idea of sexting. Sending a letter through the mail with specific instructions that may or may not be of the spicy variety creates an air of antici…wait for it…pation that helps build the desire and enhance the D/s bond.

Voice and Video Chat for Erotic Connection and Real-Time Control

While the idea of phone sex has been around since phones were invented, the advent video calls added a new layer to sexy-time chat allowing the participants the ability to see each other in real time during spicy calls.

While there is a place for sex work and sex workers in conversations around phone sex and video sex, this article is focusing more on those who are in some kind of committed dynamic. We will touch on sex work in a future article.

Being able to hear your partner when they're aroused, when they climax, when they moan into your ear, can be a tease in and of itself. You can imagine the touch of them on your body, imagine the sensation of their lips on your skin and tips of their fingers caressing your sensitive parts. For times when you are apart, it can help to build the anticipation for when you are together next.

When it comes to video, being able to see them touching themselves, hearing them give you instructions, imagining the toy is their body inside you while watching them in return can be quite alluring and heighten the sexual tension and desire for the next time you manage to meet in person.

Creating Rituals and Tracking Habits with the Obedience App

While there maybe some sexual habits that are placed within the Obedience app for a submissive, BDSM and a D/s dynamic are not entirely sexual – in fact, there are some kink dynamics that have no sex involved with them at all. Using Obedience to track the tasks of a submissive can help strengthen the dynamic from both sides.

For the submissive, seeing their habits laid out by their Dom so there is a clear understanding of what their expectations are can help them feel how much their Dom cares for them and build a connection to the Dom through these tasks and habits. From the Dominant’s side, seeing the submissive complete the tasks and habits, make progress on their assigned daily chores, and receiving photographic proof of completed items makes the Dom understand how much their submissive cares for them.

Habits and tasks are also a good way to help build the confidence and self-esteem of a submissive who may suffer from a lack of both. The Dom pointing out how good the submissive has been, praising their work, and providing feedback can be a great way to gain trust and keep that spark of adoration burning hot even when you happen to be apart from each other.

Final Words

Long distance is hard. Not being able to see your partner(s) as often as you’d like can sometimes make somebody feel lonely. Being sure to keep in contact, create a schedule, and use the Obedience App can assist those in a kink dynamic to remain close emotionally, grow their dynamic, and strengthen their bonds. As is the case in nearly every aspect of a relationship of any kind, communication is always going to be key. The Obedience App is a great way to make certain that you feel connected every day even if you aren’t able to talk on a daily basis. That reminder of tasks that need to get done and the notifications of tasks that have been completed will make all parties feel that sense of connection and attachment.