Subspace in BDSM: What It Is and How to Navigate It Safely
written by Micah Brown
We’re not talking about the subspace channels in Star Trek. While being kinky often means being a geek, we are not here to discuss the scientific limitations of subspace communication.
Instead, we’re here to talk about the psychological subspace that a submissive enters into when they are being submissive. This is the mental state of allowing a Dom to be fully in control of them. This state is incredibly vulnerable and, without precautions, can also be very dangerous.
What is subspace in BDSM?
For a more vanilla explanation of subspace, I’ll compare it to hypnosis. They are not the same by any means, but can appear very similar from an outside perspective. Both somebody under hypnosis and who is in subspace will almost blindly obey the commands given to them by the person who giving them. Often, the person under hypnosis, will only listen to the voice of the one who hypnotized them, much as a submissive will only listen to the instructions given by the Dom that they agreed to scene with.
The big difference is that often the person who is under hypnosis will not remember the events of their session, while a submissive remains present and aware of what’s happening around them and to them while feeling light and airy, sometimes described as floaty, when they’re in that space. They become extremely pliant to their Dom in this state and can lack the ability to stop a scene before it goes “too far” (this is relative to everybody’s experience – too far for you, may not be far enough for somebody else).
It is for this reason that any scene that is happening between a Dom and a sub must be negotiated beforehand. There doesn’t need to be moment by moment breakdown of what’s going to happen in the scene, but there does need to be an understanding of what sorts of play will be involved (impact, bondage, sensation, electrical, etc.), what the hard-limits are for the submissive during the scene, and what the safe word is. Even though it is less likely that a submissive will use a safe word when in subspace, having one ready will be vitally important nonetheless.
How Submissives Enter Subspace: Triggers and Individual Responses
For some, entering subspace can be nearly instantaneous based on situational awareness and how well their Dom knows their triggers. I had a good friend who could take his submissive to the hardware store and simply give them a look while holding up a particular item they used during play at home, and she’d immediately “go all light and floaty.”
Others may take some time to get there and need encouragement as well as a sense of safety. When my partner and I were first pushing boundaries with each other, she would take quite a bit of light play and stimulation to fall into subspace, but over time, it became much easier for her to get there. I have never been able to simply hold out a toy and give her a look, however.
Physical sensation is not always necessary for a submissive to enter subspace. Submissives who thrive on humiliation or degradation may be easily placed into subspace with words or actions that don’t involve pain or force. Again, look at what my friend’s submissive would do in a hardware store without a single word spoken or even a touch given.
“If it takes your submissive a long time to enter subspace, that’s not a flaw on their part. Remember that every submissive is different in how they enter subspace as well as how they exhibit subspace to the outside world.”
What Does Subspace Look Like?
Subspace is going to look different for everybody. Not everybody will go doe-eyed and blank-faced. Some may enter subspace and remain looking totally alert and aware of everything even if they’re feeling floaty and as though they are not quite tethered to their body.
You will have submissives who become soft and completely pliant and can be moved around however you want. Others, may not become that way but will follow instructions without question and take whatever position you ask of them. Some will be able to maintain a normal conversation while in subspace, while others will be unable to speak.
Talking to your partner about what subspace looks like for you is an important part of building trust within your dynamic. Understanding each other’s limits and expectations during subspace will help keep everybody safe.
Remember, do not renegotiate a scene when a submissive is in subspace. They are likely to agree to something they wouldn’t normally do or even ask for something they wouldn’t normally ask for.
Research has shown that being in subspace is similar to being under the influence of alcohol or other psychoactive substances. The mix of hormones released when in subspace include endorphins and adrenaline, which mix and can cause the floaty, disconnected sensation where pleasure and pain become similar to each other.
How to Safely Handle a Submissive in Subspace
You will need to get to know your own submissive and how they experience subspace to fully understand how to handle them as an individual. Remember, subspace is different for everybody and it may not look the same as it does with other submissives. There is no correct way for a sub to experience subspace.
Scenes may be intense with a submissive who is in subspace, and that is fine so long as the Dominant doesn’t move beyond the agreements that were made during the negotiation of the scene. Remember that aftercare is vital for your submissive (and you) at the end of a scene, whether or not that scene is especially intense or not.
Understanding Subspace and Sub drop
We can’t talk about subspace without talking about sub drop. Sub drop is the feeling a submissive may experience after being in subspace. This can be sensation of being emotionally and physically exhausted. While it will mainly occur right after a scene and during aftercare, it is possible for sub drop to occur days after an intense scene as their bodies readjust to daily life in the vanilla world.
The best weapon against severe sub drop will always be aftercare. While this is a much deeper conversation, and one that’s slated for later in the month, we did want to mention it here because of how important aftercare is for the dynamic as a whole.
Sub drop can appear as physical exhaustion, emotional exhaustion, or both. In my dynamic, we learned early on that if my submissive is not provided with proper aftercare, she will quickly experience emotional exhaustion. On the flip side, she seems to always experience a physical sub drop one to two days after an intense scene, regardless of the aftercare provided at the time. She’s tired and takes a few extra naps during that time, but does not suffer any emotional fallout.
Coming out of subspace
At the end of a scene, the submissive will eventually come out of subspace. If the submissive is supported and given good aftercare, then sub-drop will be significantly reduced or possibly eliminated. Again, this will look different for everybody. Some submissives require aftercare that includes soft movies, warm blankets, and Dom telling them how proud they are of them. Other submissives may want cuddles, or no-contact while their body de-escalates their nerve endings, but they still want support, love, and maybe a cup of hot cocoa and some horror movies.
Make certain that aftercare requirements are negotiated prior to any scene so that the Dominant has all the tools they will need to proper care for a submissive who just coming out of subspace after an intense session.
Conclusion
For somebody to enter into subspace requires there to be quite a bit of trust between the sub and the Dom who is topping them for the scene. We must remember that a submissive should be considered under the influence of a psychoactive substance when they are in subspace and, therefore unable to make fully informed decisions or provide full consent to anything not discussed in the initial negotiation.
We must remember that subspace is a very vulnerable place for a submissive to be and that we must do our best to protect them from their own worst impulses when necessary. Moreover, we must remember to conduct ourselves with care regardless of how rough the scene itself may become.
And, of course, don’t forget the aftercare. The rougher the scene, the deeper the subspace, the more aftercare they will require to avoid the worst of sub-drop.
