written by Micah Brown

You may get to a point with your partner that you become comfortable “winging it” for a scene. You’ve gotten to a point where you know each other’s boundaries and limits and have your safe words all ready to go just in case something goes sideways.

But if you’re reading this, that time likely isn’t now. So, let’s talk a little about what goes into planning a scene so that it can go as smoothly and as pleasurably (painfully?) as possible.

The “Boring” Stuff

While there is always fun to be had (see the next session “Planning as Foreplay”), there are some things that should be discussed when everybody has a clear head. First, you want to determine what the scene is going to be. Is it a scene to punish a brat or submissive in some way? Will there be impact play, and if so, what type of impact? This is also a good time to check in on limits and make sure that everybody understands where those lines are so nobody ends up being uncomfortable and having to use their safe word to end the scene.

You’ll also want to have a plan for what to do in the event of an emergency. While some scenes and play hold a higher risk than others, it’s still good to have a plan and be prepared for worst case scenarios. You can read about those things in our article on negotiating a bdsm scene.

Planning as Foreplay

Sitting down and planning out a scene may feel a little clinical and lacking in “fun.” It may feel like going to the doctor’s office and filling out paperwork that helps them understand you better, except in this case you’re discussing things that are much more pleasurable and fun (but also, medical kinks are real and if going to the doctor is fun for you, more power to you).

While using planning as foreplay may work for scenes that are more inherently sexual, other types of scenes may fare better with a more sit-down and discuss approach, but we will touch on those a bit later.

When you want to use your scene planning as foreplay, the expectation is that you already have a scene in mind to start planning. Instead of thinking about it in such a chore that has to be done, think about it as foreplay that could be used to get your engines going before the main event.

Yes, you can sit down with a piece of paper and a list of things and go through each one discussing each item and how it will go and what it will look like (and again, if this does it for you, then that’s fine) or you can turn it sensual conversation about what things will look like. For example:

“What if I’ve been a bad sub and I need to be spanked?”
“How bad have you been?”
“Very bad and I’m going to need some hard spankings.”
“Maybe I should leave some bruises on that beautiful ass of yours?”
“I’m getting turned on just thinking about that.”

Try to think of it as sexting back and forth but you get to touch and tease in real time and then you’re actually in the midst of your scene and everybody is having fun.

This type of approach for scene planning can be good for those scenes that are heavy in sexuality. This sort of approach may not work as well for scenes that aren’t inherently sexual or that involve more edge play such as cutting, play piercing, and blood.

Edge Play and Non-Sexual Discussions

Edge play is inherently riskier for a variety of reasons. Some examples of edge play would be:

Breath play
Play piercing
Knife Play/Cutting
Blood play
Golden showers/Bathroom Play
Certain types of suspension and bondage

When dealing with bodily fluids, there is already a risk of pathogens from vaginal and seminal secretions. That risk is increased if you’re doing anything that involves blood, so you want to make certain that your setup is ready to go before the scene begins and you will want to ask your partner if there is anything specific they would like to have that would help them to feel safer.

If you are planning for anything that involves edge play, you will want to have the following on hand, at a minimum:

Latex or Nitrile Gloves (ask your partner about latex allergies)
Fully kitted out First Aid Kit
Steri-Strips (for wound care)
Medical Disinfectant
Bleach
Anti-bacterial/anti-viral cleanser
Gauze
Towels
Ace Bandage
Non-stick gauze
Bandages
Alcohol wipes
Scissors (especially useful for bondage: “Trauma shears” or “emergency scissors”)

All of this is for the protection of everybody in the scene. It’s not just the submissive who puts themselves at risk if there are bodily fluids, knives, or needles in a scene. The cutter can always slip and cut themselves, at which point there has been a cross-contamination of blood, which puts the person who was accidentally cut at risk. But if the person who was cut bleeds into a wound on their partner, then both of you are now at higher risk of infection.

When you are planning this type of scene, you want to be very clear about what you’re planning on doing and what you’re willing to have done to you. If you’re doing a needle pattern in skin, talk about the pattern. Discuss how many needles are going to be placed into the skin to create the pattern. Make certain that your needle bottom is comfortable taking that number of needles. My partner and I began with four needles on our first needle scene together. We’re now significantly higher than that when we want to do art on her body, but other times it’s about the pain so it’s more about where the needles are placed and less about how many there are.

Cleanup and Aftercare

Cleanup and Aftercare should be part of your planning. You want to have a plan for making certain the area that was used for play is appropriately cleaned up when play is over. That means wearing gloves, using disinfectants, and disposing of any soiled items that can’t be cleaned in a safe manner. For sharps, make certain to have a sharps container to put them into. Anything that needs to go through the wash should be washed on high heat and treated as “heavily soiled” when selecting the wash cycle.

This brings us to aftercare, which is going to be different depending on the individual. We do have a whole article on aftercare you can look at for some inspiration. Let your partner know what you need for aftercare, or at the very least, what you are most likely to need. Make certain that you have everything ready for aftercare before the scene begins, especially if it’s going to be an intense scene that will be emotionally and physically draining.

The Finishing Touches

Planning for a scene doesn’t have to be a slog. While I cannot stand planning anything, I find that planning for a scene can be fun and rewarding, whether it’s an emotionally draining and physically demanding one, or a scene that has some lighthearted moments and laughter.

In whatever way you decide to plan your scene, just be certain that the lines of communication are open between you and your partner. Don’t hesitate to ask questions or request clarification on something. You don’t want to find yourself in an uncomfortable situation where you are using your safe word because you didn’t clarify something you were unclear on.

Now get out there and start planning and having lots of fun.