written by Micah Brown

Is a person who is involved in the kink scene as a sadist truly a sadist? I can hear a variety of answers being shouted at screens right now.

“Of course they’re really sadists! They love to hurt people.”

“They can’t really be sadists because the people they hurt want to be hurt.”

According to Dictionary.com, a sadist has two definitions:

Psychiatry. A person who has the condition of sadism, in which one receives sexual gratification from causing pain and degradation to another.
A person who enjoys being cruel.

What’s interesting about these choices is that the Sadistic Personality Disorder was removed from the DSM in the DSM-IV after it was added in the DSM-III-R, so I’m not sure why they chose to put “Psychiatry” at the start of Definition 1. It’s also important to note that Sadistic Personality Disorder did not have any specific ties to sex and causing pain for sexual gratification (which in and of itself is also weird considering where the term originated from).

Now, there is Sexual Sadism Disorder, which is a sexually focused disorder, but it is not to be confused with consensual sadomasochistic play between consenting adults. The primary tenet of Sexual Sadism Disorder revolves around the complete lack of consent.

The History of Sadism

The word " sadist " comes from the Marquis de Sade. Many people don’t know that Marquis wasn’t his first name, but a title. He was born Donatien Alphonse François de Sade. His graphic depictions of torture and pain for sexual gratification in his books are what he is famous for, though that wasn’t everything. He was also a revolutionary politician, and if you pay attention to his writings, many of them are really blistering social commentary with graphic depictions of sexual violence as the primary means of getting the point across.

Now, we could write a book about de Sade (and many have already been written), so I’m (sadly) going to leave it here despite the fact that he was a fascinating human (although I wouldn’t say he was a good human). Due to the prolific sexual violence in his books, the term Sadist was born.

The truth is, we can’t really talk about the history of sadism because it existed long before there was a French Author to lend his moniker to the idea of causing pain during sex.

Let’s be clear, here. What de Sade wrote was anything but consensual acts and many of his books should just have “Trigger Warning” in large, red letters across the cover of the book. That said, the term has certainly evolved over time to contain a multitude of meanings.

People have always enjoyed a little bit of pain with their pleasure. Just look at ancient cultures' art, and you’ll see aspects of that desire to both cause pain and to receive it (we will investigate Masochism in another article in the future). So, let’s talk a little about why.

Why Do I Like Causing Pain?

It’s easy to look at a masochist and understand why they might enjoy receiving pain. The short answer is, more endorphins builds more pleasure leads to stronger orgasms. But from the other end of the whip, what does the one who is causing the pain get out of it?

Again, we’re looking at a flood of endorphins, dopamine, and other happy chemicals that flood the brain when you’re bringing down the whip. The reason for these floods of happy chemicals generally come from the fact that masochist is deriving pleasure from the pain you are causing, which in turn activcates the reward centers of your brain which then flood you with all those wonderful chemicals that make you feel extra good.

Yes, this is a vast oversimplification of what’s going on, but I don’t think you want to read an entire research paper on the psychology of Sadism in this space (but if I’m wrong, please let us know and I’ll see about getting to work on it).

If you happen to be a Sadist, chances are you also identify as a Top (at least some of the time). While there are sadistic bottoms, it’s not nearly as common as having a Top who enjoys causing pain. The reasons for this coincide well with their Dom side. When you are causing pain, it’s often because you are in control of the scene, which feeds that Dom need to be in control of the situation. This compounds the endorphins that you’re already getting from knowing your partner is enjoying the pain you are serving them and helps build your own sense of euphoria.

Should you partake in any kind of sexula stimulation after (or during) a scene where you have caused pain, you may find that your orgasm is that much more powerful for having built up that arousal beforehand. While your partner may orgasm just from the pain you’re causing (my partner has been known to climax during really hard spanking sessions without any stimuli directly on her bits).

So, the short answer to this question boils down this:

You like causing pain, especially during sexual encounters, for the same reason that masochists enjoy receiving pain: It feels good. The difference is that it feels good inside your brain instead of physically, but the physical part will come later.

The important thing is that you enjoy causing pain to somebody who is a consenting adult and is getting enjoyment out of the pain your causing.

Feeding Your Inner Sadist

If you have sadistic urges that you want to explore with your partner, then the first thing you want to do is talk to them. Sit down with them and tell them what you’re interested in and why you’re interested. It’s likely much easier to sit down and talk to somebody who is already known to be a pain bottom, but you’re not always going to know that.

You’ll want to start light, even if you want to jump into the heavy stuff. If you haven’t experimented with spanking yet, start there. It’s the most common form of sadism when it comes to sex. If you want to try something harder, then move on to using a paddle or other implement to spank them with. You want to work your way up until you find a point at which you and your pain bottom are comfortable. Μy sub happens to be very much the masochist, so when we play, it leans pretty heavy into the pain.

That doesn’t mean that what we enjoy, or what anybody else enjoys, should be compared to what you enjoy. If barehanded spanking is as hard as you want to get, great. If you want to start experimenting with needles and play piercing, then that’s also great.

If you’re new, take it slow and always keep the conversation moving so everybody stays on the same page.