written by Micah Brown

This article includes a Chastity Dynamic Starter Workbook at the end.

For many, when they hear the word “chastity” they are immediately thinking of religion and the idea of remaining chaste until you’re married. Considering all the teachings that have gone on in religious institutions around the idea of abstaining from sex and being chaste, it’s not a surprise this is the first thing folks think of when anybody talks about chastity.

All that being said, chastity itself has a fairly prominent place in kink community, and the reasons why generally have nothing at all to do with religion (but even when it does, we don’t kink shame here).

For those who may not have a full grasp of what chastity is. Chastity and virginity should be kept separate as they are not the same. Somebody who is a virgin may be chaste, but you do not have to be a virgin to be chaste. Chastity is the abstinence of sexual intercourse, genital touch, or stimulation. One can remain chaste without the need for tools like chastity belts, but within the kink world, the use of chastity devices is often a big part of chastity play.

What Is Chastity in BDSM?

At the most basic level, the use of chastity in a kink dynamic is just another avenue of control between a Dominant and a submissive. While in some cases, chastity may be a more long-term thing for a dynamic, in most cases, it is used as a way to keep the submissive from pleasuring themselves when their Dom isn’t there to make use of them or pleasure them in that way. Both submissives with vulvas and penises can be “forced” into chastity within the dynamic (all kink play should be consensual between those who are participating which is why I placed “forced” in quotes).

Why Dominants and Submissives Practice Chastity Play

Some Dominants may want their submissive only experience genital touching through them, and therefor using a tool such as a chastity belt to prohibit the submissive from pleasuring themselves. Sometimes you may have a submissive ask their Dominant to put chastity restrictions on them because they feel they are too focused on their physical pleasure or they may want to only allow their Dominant to touch them in that way, keeping even their own hands away from their body.

For some, it can be a way to show respect to their Dominant. For Dominants, it can be a way to show ownership and control over their submissive. Either way, it can lead to a deeper connection between the Dominant and submissive as any touch that occurs between them becomes amplified due to the restrictive nature of chastity.

What Chastity Tools Are Out There - Chastity Cages vs. Chastity Belts

Remaining chaste isn’t as easy as it may sound. Everybody gets horny and sometimes it can lead to distraction until release is found. When you’re being chaste, you have to find ways to mitigate that need for orgasm in other ways. If you’re not wearing a chastity belt or other chastity tool, then the need to climax may push you over the edge into self-pleasure, which can lead to punishments later.

There are chastity devices for both individuals with a vulva and those who have a penis. These devices will block access to the genital area and are often locked onto the body using a key of some kind. They are designed to work for the type of genitals you wish to encase. For those with a penis, a chastity cage is the most common. It keeps the penis locked in a cage where it is unable to become erect without becoming very uncomfortable. This helps to alleviate the desire to touch oneself or pleasure oneself. A cage for a penis does allow one to use the bathroom fairly easily and doesn’t block the ability for bowel movements.

For those who have a vulva, there are chastity belts. These are not as neat and tidy as a cage for a penis because you have to block the entire area of the clitoris and the entrance to the vagina. Chastity belts for those with vulvas can be bulky, uncomfortable, and make it difficult to use the bathroom because of how it blocks the urethra and vaginal entrance. Some may even block the anus, making it difficult to have a bowel movement when wearing them.

There are some designs out there to help with those issues, but they become difficult to mass-produce because of the wide range of body types. If you can afford it, having a chastity belt designed and made for your specific body will help you to have a more comfortable wearing experience and often allow easier bathroom use through design choices that fit your specific body.

The History of Chastity: Religion, Purity, and Feminism

Chastity was (and is) often considered a measure of purity by some religions. Remaining chaste, or even better, “pure” showed your devotion to the teachings of that religion and your future commitment to your spouse. In truly sexist fashion, it was always far more important for women to remain chaste and “pure” than it was for men. Considering the anatomy of those with vaginas, it was generally believed that if the hymen was intact, the woman in question was “pure” and chaste. What wasn’t taken into consideration, and often still isn’t, is the fact that a penis or fingers penetrating a vagina is not the only way for a hymen to break. In some cases, a hymen could break due to riding a horse or performing certain athletic feats. Some people with vaginas are born without a hymen at all, making it all but impossible to “know” if they are “pure.” When it comes to religion, if there is no hymen, that simply means that the woman is definitely not pure and may then be viewed in a negative light.

Chastity belts were used centuries ago for royalty to keep their daughters “chaste” for future husbands. When marriages were arranged, it was often expected that the daughter would be “intact” for their wedding night.

The idea of the “chaste” woman became one of the many reasons behind the feminist movement – not because women wanted to be chaste, but because they wanted the world to acknowledge that they were also sexual beings capable of desire, need, and deserving of pleasure.

But does this mean you can’t practice chastity in your dynamic and remain a feminist? Not at all. You are not truly being forced into chastity nor are you forcing somebody into it. When you practice chastity within the scope of a kink dynamic, you’re entering into this with clear communication and an agreement between two consenting adults.

How to Practice Chastity Safely: Hygiene and Health Risks

If chastity is something that you’re interested in pursuing in your dynamic, then it’s important to look at how to approach it and how to keep it safe. Improper use of cages and belts could result in injury or infection.

Looking at belts for those who have a vulva, they are often designed to cover the entire vulval area, blocking the entrace to the vagina, access to the clitoris, and the urethra. This means that when somebody urinates, it’s going to leak out the sides and the urine may get trapped against the body and potentially slip into the vagina. While urine is sterile, it can breed bacteria after it’s been expelled and result in a yeast infection, vaginitis, or even a UTI. Finding a belt that allows for the free release of urine while maintaining coverage of the other important bits will help to keep that from being an issue.

When it comes to those who have a penis, a cage that is too small can result in injury to the penis if it attempts to become erect and is too confined. This can lead to damage to the cartilage, which may require medical attention and healing time (if you didn’t know, you can actually break a penis when it’s erect, requiring medical intervention). When selecting a cage, you want to make it small enough so that becoming erect is uncomfortable but not so small as to cause serious damage when arousal begins to take place. It is less likely that a person with a penis will end up a UTI from a cage as cages are fairly open to the air and easy to expell urine out of.

Chastity Practices for Long Distance Relationships

It’s easy to remove a cage or a belt if you and your submissive are living in the same space, but it becomes more complicated if you are living apart or in a long-distance relationship. How can you manage chastity if you’re not right there to manage it?

Part of this can be done using an app like the Obedience app. Creating a habit where your submissive takes pictures of their belt or cage throughout the day to show it’s still on is a good way to ensure it stays on. Only allowing it off for certain activities and sexy phone/text/video time can help build desire and need leading up to that.

If the belt or cage is locking, then you may want to make use of photos to show that the key has been left at home when they leave for work, or require them to put a tracking tag on the key so that you can make sure it’s been left at home when they leave for the day. Couple that with pictures of the device over the course of the day, and you have a pretty good idea of whether or not they are following the rules you agreed to.

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In the End

How you decide to practice chastity and what it means to your dynamic is ultimately your choice. Adding chastity to your dynamic can increase sexual arousal, desire, and strengthen orgasms for both parties. Knowing how badly the submissive needs to be touched can have just as an arousing effect on the dominant. Knowing that you control their body and choose when they are or are not allowed to receive sexual pleasure can help empower your sense of being their Dominant.

What appeals to you about chastity? Do you enjoy the thought of it, either from the perspective of the submissive or the Dominant?

And if you don’t want to partake in chastity, then don’t judge those who do. All dynamics are personal, and those who are part of them are on their own journey.