You've been good: what is a praise kink and how to explore it
Have you ever had a compliment in bed and felt warm all over? Or your Dom has praised you for completing one of your healthy habits from your Obedience app, and you just wanted to melt. Then you may have a praise kink!
Usually, when we think of BDSM and Dom/sub relationships, we think of a Dom using dirty talk or degrading and humiliating their sub when speaking to them. While this may be arousing for many, others may find that they seek words of affirmation over humiliation during a scene. If this sounds like you, then you may want to look into if you have a praise kink.
Welcome to the soft side of BDSM, where Dominance and submission are focused less on dirty talk and punishment but on rewards and letting your partner know they have pleased you. However, that isn't to say that you may not also partake in impact play or even rope bondage. In this instance, bondage and praise go hand in hand.
For many, being told you are good is a nice feeling, but for others, they derive emotional and sexual pleasure from the praise. In this article, Obedience will guide you through what a praise kink is and how to bring it into your BDSM practices.
What is a praise kink within BDSM
Somebody with a praise kink is someone who derives sexual pleasure from positive reinforcement instead of verbal humiliation or derogatory language directed at them. What makes it different from just enjoying a compliment (as we all do!) is that someone with a praise kink feels sexual arousal or even gains the feeling of being desired by someone using words of affirmation and positive reinforcement towards them.
An example of such could be that a Dom is getting a sub to drink from their hand, narrating throughout what they are going to do, “wrap your lips around … suck … etc.,” and throughout praising them for doing an excellent job at pleasing them.
How to experiment with a praise kink in a Dom/sub relationship
If you think you have a praise kink and would like to try testing this out in your usual D/s relationship, then you need to communicate your needs. Ask your partner to use specific pet names or tell you when you have been good for completing an order or during sex.
As a Dom looking to explore this kink with their partner, here are some of the most popular ways to bring a praise kink to the bedroom by vocally telling a submissive they are good, so why not phrases like:
“You’re such a good… [girl/boy/slut/pet/their favorite term of endearment].”
“You’re doing/you did well.”
“You look so beautiful/handsome/sexy.”
“I’m so proud of you.”
“That feels amazing, keep doing that.”
“I love it when you… [insert action or activity here]”
From a submissive perspective, why not make a game out of it and ask your partner to tell you what you can do to them to make them feel good? For everything you do, they can reward you with your favorite words of praise, or if you are lucky, with a moan so you know you have been extra good!
If you and your partner are both game, why not consider getting creative? The Obedience app can help you do this by allowing Doms to set tasks and habits for the subs, who can earn rewards and punishments in real-time. Have the Dom set a series of tasks and check them off to achieve a fun reward, or tell them how good you are doing when you get home!
Is praise only a kink for subs?
Although it is generally considered that a submissive will be the one with a praise kink, enjoying the praise as they submit in the way their Dominant has told them to instead of being humiliated or degraded. However, Dominants can have a praise kink as well! (I mean, who doesn't love to be told they are doing a good job??)
Praise doesn't just have to mean telling someone they are good; it can also be positive affirmations, such as sounds like moans, etc.
Suppose your Dominant does have a praise kink. As a submissive, you can explore this by telling them how much you enjoy what they are doing to you, thank them for being your Dom, or let them know you have learned your lesson because of how good they are at punishing you. This can be administered during a scene or afterward; during aftercare, let them know that you enjoyed the scene, like them taking care of you, and are doing a good job.
What place do praise kinks have within BDSM
When we think of BDSM, we tend to focus heavily on the more extreme or punishment-based forms that BDSM can take: spanking, hair pulling, shibari, biting, etc. But there are softer, sensual forms of BDSM that can take place, including tickling, caretaking, and using feathers. This is the sweet spot in that a praise kink can be found.
However, that doesn't mean that someone exploring a praise kink cannot enjoy more intense forms of BDSM, such as being praised for counting each time they are flogged or for being the perfect pet or slave during a master/slave or pet play scene.
You have done very well at getting to the end of this article!
Why not let us help you explore it further? Sign up or log in to Obedience app, we can help you set habits and tasks for your sub and earn rewards so you know what to praise them for in real-time.
