written by Micah Brown

This topic was requested by the March 2026 “Pic of the month” winner. “Pic of the month” is a friendly competition we hold monthly on the Premium-only side of our Discord.

Chains, cuffs, rope, restraints… If these words do funny things to your nether regions, you might find that you’re into bondage. If so, welcome. Let’s talk about it.

What is Bondage?

At its most basic definition, bondage is the restraint of an individual by means of external tools such as rope, handcuffs, chains, or other items capable of limiting the movement of a person. When somebody talks about BDSM, the B usually stands for BONDAGE (the entire monogram reading Bondage-Discipline/Dominance-Submission/Sadism-Masochism or sometimes Bondage-Discipline-Slave-Master).

You might think that anybody who is into bondage may be into any type of bondage, but that’s not the case. It is also a misnomer that those who enjoy Bondage must also enjoy some form of sadomasochism. This just isn’t true. Kink comes in many different flavors and forms, and they don’t always fit together in the ways people would expect.

In fact, some reading this may be surprised to learn that those who are into bondage are not always into it for the sake of sexual satisfaction. For some, it’s a means to feeling safe, for others, it’s the sense of being a part of some work of art (this generally applies to Shibari, which we will touch on shortly).

For those who exist within the kink and BDSM community, being into bondage is a very generic term. It doesn’t help to identify what sort of bondage you’re into and what sort of things you enjoy when you are tied up.

It’s important for those who exist within the kink community to understand what bondage means to those around them.

Non-Sexual Bondage: Shibari, Stress Relief, and Neurodivergence

It’s important to note that any kind of bondage can be sexual or non-sexual. What we talk about in this section is more the mindset of those who enjoy bondage without the sex.

Perhaps one of the more well-known types of non-sexual bondage is Shibari – or the the art of Japanese Knot Tying. While this can obviously be used for sexual purposes, one of the more well known aspects of shibari is the fact that it can be incredibly artistic and detailed. Huge, intricate displays of knotwork with the ropebunny in the center like a carefully knotted work of art. These ties can take significant amounts of time to create and the act of tying and being tied is often talked about as being very relaxing. For the rope top, they are creating art with another, living and breathing human. For the rope bottom, they are able to empty their mind while their body is manipulated and tied, allowing stress and worries to melt away into the sensation.

Beyond shibari, really any kind of bondage can be non-sexual just like impact play or sensation play can also be non-sexual. In fact, it is often the case that non-sexual bondage and non-sexual play go together. We have to remember that for many kinksters, sex isn’t the goal, and being tied up and beaten can give a person the same dopamine and endorphin rush as an orgasm. Others simply enjoy the feeling of being safe and restrained. Think about a swaddled baby, for example. When you swaddle a baby tightly, it helps them to feel safe and will often assist in the child falling asleep more quickly when they’re tired.

Simply being able to let go and exist in that specific moment with those specific sensations provides those folks with a space they can release their stress and turn their brains off. Many in who live on a neurodivergent spectrum have reported that non-sexual bondage is a good way to help their brains quiet down for a while.

Sexual Bondage: Why People Enjoy Being Tied Up During Sex

Bondage and sex are often seen as going hand in hand with each other. Even folks who tend to lean far more vanilla may experiment with some light bondage during sexy times, which is why so many people assume those who are kinky must always be performing sex acts with their bondage. As we discussed above, this isn’t the case.

That said, sex and bondage are very intertwined in the social zeitgeist, and for good reason. Bondage includes anything from silk ribbons tied to a bed post to intricate knotwork holding a submissives legs open for easier access to their sex organs for their Dom. Whether a person is vanilla or kinky, the same sorts of reasoning can be applied to why somebody may enjoy sex while being bound.

For many who enjoy bondage, the sensation of being bound helps them to feel safer (though bondage play can certainly be a part of consensual fear play and consensual non-consent play) and allow them to let go of some of their inhibitions. When a person is bound in a safe space there is still a the sense that they are no longer in control of what happens (safe words should always be negotiated and agreed upon prior to any kind of rope play so that there is a way to get out of a situation if necessary). When they feel they aren’t in control, they may feel more willing to entertain some of their urges that they may be more embarrassed about attempting when they aren’t bound. As an example, I spoke with a submissive who is highly ashamed of her love of anal sex due to upbringing. When she isn’t bound she finds it impossible to enjoy it because she is “choosing” to have somebody penetrate her in that way. When she is bound, she is “helpless” against the penetration and therefore can enjoy it because it is not her “choice” for that sort of intercourse to be occurring.

Talking to other submissives who enjoy bondage and sex you see a similar line of thought. It’s not always about anal sex, but those who are bound are more likely to enjoy acts that they otherwise feel ashamed of enjoying when they are able to make the “choice.” This can be spanking, flogging, anal sex, oral sex, slapping, hair pulling, and so forth. It’s not all about consensual non-consent, but allowing themselves to feel constrained to the point that they can enjoy these activities without feeling guilty about the enjoyment.

Allowing yourself to enjoy certain acts isn’t the only reason people enjoy being tied up (or tying people up). For some, the lack of control when bound is a turn on, for others the sense of security that comes with being bound and having somebody they trust share intimacy with them when they are in such a safe space.

How to Get Started With Bondage: Questions to Ask Yourself First

If you’re interested in bondage and don’t know where to start, there are plenty of resources you can find online to assist however we don’t want to send you out into the world of web searches without a compass, so take a few minutes to think over what your bondage goals are.

Are you interested in bondage for sexual purposes, or are you drawn to non-sexual reasons for bondage? What sort of bondage interests you the most? Consider who it is you want to practice bondage with and what their goals are; do their desires for bondage mesh well with yours? If you want to explore shibari in a non-sexual way and your partner wants some handcuffs to lock you to bed during sex, neither of you are really going to get what you want from the experience and you should spend time talking together to see if you can find a way to make it work for both of you.

Bondage Safety: What Every Beginner Needs to Know

Being safe during bondage is very important. Even just locking somebody to the bed with handcuffs runs the risk of nerve damage that can be permanent. If you’re getting involved in rope in any capacity, then you need to have safety scissors or a seatbelt ripper on hand to get somebody out of the ropes quickly. Remember, saving somebody from harm is a far better option than saving your ropes. More ropes can be purchased and nerve damage can be forever.

Do not use any kind of bondage around the neck. While you may see this in professional displays of rope, don’t even consider it. It risks all kinds of damage up to and including death if not approached properly. If you’re reading this, it’s likely that you are not a professional and that you’re just getting started, so don’t use any kind of bondage on somebody’s neck. To be clear, that doesn’t mean that they can’t have a collar and a leash, but you don’t want to be wrapping rope around their neck or creating such tension that it becomes difficult for them to breathe.

Buy handcuffs that have quick release so that the submissive is able to release themselves if they need to and you’re using handcuffs.

A better recommendation is to not use handcuffs at all. Their rigidity does have the potential to bite into flesh and cause bruising and may even draw blood during intense scenes.

There are a myriad of options for restraint cuffs that use leather, faux leather, and soft cloth for binding wrists and ankles. The use of D or O rings on these cuffs allow for a submissive to be tied down. For safety, you want to make sure that they are easily able to extract themselves, so using a carabiner to hook the cuff to the tiedown allows them to feel secured, but also feel safe in the event they need to suddenly get out of the scene.

Know first aid. Seriously, if you’re taking part in any kind of kink you want to know first aid and have a fully stocked first aid kit on hand for all scenes.

Tying it Off With a Bow

Bondage can be a fun, sensual, and relaxing experience when it’s approached with care and safety in mind.

We encourage you to explore bondage safely, educate yourself as much as you can, and be sure to have open communication with any partner you will be engaging in bondage with. If something ever feels off, never be afraid to use the safe word or back out of a scene before it begins.

Go forth, have fun, and be safe.