What Kind of Submissive Are You? Explore Submissive Types and Find Your Style

Nov 21

written by Micah Brown

Why Knowing Your Submissive Style Matters

Being submissive isn’t just sitting at your Dominant’s feet waiting for instruction. How you choose to submit and what sort of submissive you are within your dynamic is entirely something that’s decided by you. In fact, knowing your submissive self will help you find a Dominant that is right for you.

A “Dom in name only” type won’t care who you are or what type of submissive you are; they will want to control you and turn you into what they want you to be. A good Dominant will see the type of submissive you are and help you to be the best version of yourself both as a submissive and as a person in the real world. Their goal will be to help you be your best you can be, not to control who they want you to be.

Be Who You Are

There is a difference between being a submissive and not being confident in yourself.

What people fail to understand is that there are many people in the world who are incredibly confident, self assured, do well in leadership roles, and then come home to their Dominant and kneel before them ready to be the submissive they are in their heart.

Being shy, being soft spoken, being soft doesn’t automatically mean that a person is a submissive. It very well could be that they are a Hard Dominant when they’re at home with their submissive partner. Our Dominant and submissive selves aren’t always who we show to the rest of world. That also doesn’t mean that our Dominant and submissive selves aren’t true parts of ourselves.

It is very likely you have known that you’re a submissive for quite some time and it’s also possible that you felt guilt or shame about that aspect of yourself. If you’re a cis straight woman you may feel as though you’re being a bad feminist by wanting to explore that part of yourself. As a cis straight man, you may feel that wanting to submit to a woman is emasculating and makes you less of a “man.” If you’re trans or gay or lesbian or queer in any way, the shame and wanting to be submissive could be any of those or something else entirely.

Own up to who you are and what you need. If you need to find a strict Dom who uses pain as a means for punishment, then go for it. If you need a soft Dom who is more relaxed with their approach, but still holds you accountable, go for that.

In fact, if you are having trouble trying to determine what kind of submissive you are, try thinking about what kind of Dominant you want to serve. Determining that could help you on your own path to figuring out the type of submissive you want to be.

Submissive Types: Which Ones Resonate With You?

Before going deeper into the various subtypes of submissives (see what I did there?), understand that you don’t have to be just one type. There can be lots of overlap between various submissive types. For example, a little may also be a brat.

Service sub

A service submissive or slave is one who enjoys being useful to their Dominant. They want to provide service without having to be ordered to. Often, this type of submissive has the need to serve deeply ingrained. If you are a service sub, it’s important to not allow yourself to be taken advantage of in that regard or stretch yourself too thin while trying to serve and please your Dominant. Service subs will often be the one to run household errands, do chores, and prepare meals. A service sub may also be a domestic sub (or 1950s lifestyle sub).

Rope Bottom/Bunny

A Rope Bottom or Rope Bunny is an individual who enjoys bondage in the form of ropes, most often the art of Shibari. While not always strictly submissive, they do submit themselves to be tied up. Some of these ties could very easily be considered works of art they become so intricate. Any submissive who is heavily into bondage of any kind may find themselves being a Rope Bottom in some capacity, but you do need to have patience as some of the ties can take an extremely long time to complete.

Kajira

The idea of the Kajira was introduced by John Norman in his Gor series of novels. They are considered to be female sex slaves whose sole purpose is providing pleasure for their Master. In the books, they are trained in various sexual and erotic practices, they are expected to know rituals, have specific behaviors, and learn various positions to hold their bodies in. The idea of the Kajira has taken off in the real world with Gor practices having become a sub-culture within the Kink and BDSM communities. This can be a very exacting, very training intensive type of submission for those who wish to follow its practices.

Brat

A brat is a submissive who enjoys challenging their Dominant in various ways. If the Dominant isn’t a Brat Tamer, it’s possible for a Brat to Top from the Bottom – meaning that they take control of the scene from the position of the submissive to get the Dominant to do what they want them to. A common form of this is misbehaving for the sole purpose of receiving a punishment from their Dominant. Brats enjoy playing games and seeing what they can get away with before their Dominant puts their foot down. As a side note to any Dominants who happen to be reading this and who are interested in Brat Taming, keep punishments and funishments separate from each other and never punish with a funishment.

Little

Being a little and being an age player are often confused for being the same. They are not. Being an age player doesn’t mean that you are specifically a submissive. Being a little is usually a submissive role within the dynamic. The most talked about form of this is the DD/lg dynamic (Daddy Dom/little girl). This doesn’t mean that the Dominant goes looking for a little girl. These relationships are between two consenting adults and at no point ever involve actual children. The little “regresses” into a more childlike state and may enjoy doing things such as coloring and watching cartoons in comfy pajamas and snuggling with their “Daddy.” Of course there are also MD/lb (Mommy Dom/little boy) and DD/lb and DM/lg. The little, regardless of gender, may be childish in various ways in their life and need their Dominant to help keep them in line. Over all, this type of submissive needs to feel taken care of, loved, and often coddled. They are not pretending to be children, they just happen to be a little childish and still find joy in childish things (in a positive way).

Slave

This is often viewed as the most intense form of submission where the submissive is giving much of their personal control over to their Dominant. This is not just being a sex slave, but allowing the Dominant to take over many aspects of your personal life. There are risks associated with this level of submission and it is not something that somebody new to kink should consider jumping into because it sounds like fun. There are many pitfalls to being a slave that need to be understood before making that big decision. First of all, the Dominant/slave relationship has the potential of causing some co-dependence on the part of the slave. When you have a Dominant who is picking your clothes, picking your meals, and controlling that much of your life you run the risk of forgetting how to do these sorts of things yourself. You could find yourself in a bad position should things ever end between you and your Dom. A good Dominant is going to help you be better and become more sure of yourself and more confident. They will help guide you and their reasons for controlling certain aspects of your life is to help you find better balance within yourself. Being a slave is a massive commitment and not something to step into lightly. If you are seriously considering this lifestyle, talk to your partner about how you want it to look Make sure that you hold your ground your boundaries and limits, and have frequent check ins with your Dominant on how things are going.

As long as you are being true to yourself, there is no wrong way to be submissive.

Putting the Pieces Together

So, what kind of submissive are you? Do you fit strictly into one of the types mentioned above or are you a delightful mix of different types.

Take some time and really think about what sort of submissive you are. Ask yourself some of these questions:

Do I still enjoy childish things and find childish wonder in simple things?
Do I want to dedicate my life to serving my Master and allowing them to control every aspect of me?
Would being a house-spouse appeal to me?
Do I want to be in a dynamic that has strict, painful punishments or softer punishments?
Do I enjoy pushing boundaries and seeing if I can get my partner to do what I want them to do? If I succeed do I think less of my partner for having given in?
Do I simply want to exist as a sex object for the pleasure of my partner?

There are not wrong answers here. These are merely meant to help guide you to a deeper understanding of your own submissive self. And these aren’t all the questions you should be asking yourself, either.

Do more research, talk to others who are in the kink community and who are submissive. Talk to Dominants as well. There are multiple online communities where you are able to ask questions and have conversations with people while remaining anonymous. The Obedience Discord Server is a great place to jump in if you’re one of our Premium subscribers. There is a ton of knowledge and information to be found there as well as knowledgeable people who can help guide you.

The most important part of this is that you remain true to who you are. Don’t become somebody else to please a Dominant. Don’t let a Dominant tell you that you need to be something you’re not to please them. A good Dominant will guide you into being a better version of yourself and help you foster who you are, not ask you to become who you are not.