Everything about collars - the symbol of D/s
written by Maja Metera
We picked a collar for our logo specifically because it is a universal symbol of power exchange within a BDSM dynamic. It perfectly portrays our name—obedience. It represents the willingness to submit and/or receive submission. Usually (and rightfully so), this definition is extended by adding a disclaimer that this exchange occurs while applying the SSC and RACK rules of BDSM.
In this article, we will discuss the history and meaning of collars, as well as describe their types and choosing process. Just keep reading!
Are BDSM collars a modern invention?
Collars have existed since ancient times and have changed their meaning frequently depending on historical and cultural events. In the Roman Empire, they evoked emotions far from pleasant and SSC-aligned. Collars were a symbol of the nonconsensual submission of slaves, who would be punished by having collars locked on their necks to limit movement and rest possibilities due to their long spikes.
On the other hand, collars are also said to have been used as protective talismans for women in Egypt and indigenous tribes of America. Moreover, thanks to Anne Boleyn, who wore a pearl choker with her own (not her husband’s Henry VIII) initial “B,” collars symbolized independence and autonomy.
However, it wasn’t until the 1950s that collars started to be associated with kink. Then, to indicate their maidenhood, American teenage girls started to wear dog collars on their ankles. It was also the 50s - a time of strong patriarchal influences - that gave us a piece of erotica called “Story of O” by Anne Desclos (under the pen name Pauline Réage). This was the first piece of literature to mention the use of collars in a D/s dynamic - it has not been noted even in famous texts from the Victorian era.
Therefore, the idea of a collar as we know it is only 70 years old, despite the long history of BDSM that came before it.
What does the BDSM collar symbolize?
“I want to wear his initial on a chain ‘round my neck
Not because he owns me
But ‘cause he really knows me”
As mentioned, a collar shows others you willingly submit to a specific person and signifies your belonging based on mutual trust and respect. It symbolizes your commitment to the Dominant and your Dominant’s to you. In a lot of things - even the gravity of the relationship to some kinksters - collars are like an engagement ring or a wedding band, but without the legal framework or mainstream recognition. However, they also offer more variation than traditional devotion tokens.
What types of collars are there?
To begin with, although collars are typically chokers that go around the submissive’s neck, they can be anything from necklaces through rings to temporary tattoos - it is up to you. Moreover, depending on the nature of your relationship, you can choose from different types and levels of significance.
1. Stages of dynamic progression collars
Some people start with a collar of consideration or protection when you still decide to form a more formal relationship. A protection collar marks your temporary belonging to a Dominant and means as much as if someone messes with you, they mess with your Dominant. Then, you can progress to a training collar while you learn how to sub for your Dom(me), and in the end, you can receive a formal collar used in situations where high protocol applies.
2. Collars for different dynamic types
Lastly, in addition to the stage progression of collar types, you can divide them by when they are used, creating overlapping subgroups of significance and the timing of their usage. Namely, you can wear a day/permanent collar or a play collar at every stage of your collaring process.
Day collars are usually used in 24/7 D/s dynamics. They must be appropriate for day-to-day wear - what that means is highly personal and dependent on your life circumstances. Nonetheless, they are typically vanilla-coded and often do not resemble the leather Ring of O collar. They are also called permanent collars because subs are not allowed to take them off unless they have received permission - or are physically unable to take them off without breaking them (e.g. eternity necklaces).
3. Kink-specific collars
As indicated by the name, play collars are used solely during playtime and other high-protocol situations. We can differentiate between play collars signifying solely the devotion to the dynamic and kink collars. Kink collars have a specific purpose - they either characterize the dynamic or the type of play you engage in. A good example is pet collars - showing you will be playing as a specific animal, or collars with extensions such as nipple clamps - signifying the upcoming pain scene.
What is the right collar for you?
As you can see, there is much to choose from, and the number of decisions can be overwhelming. However, looking at the sections above, you will notice that the initial sorting through possibilities is quite straightforward. You can ask yourself the following questions:
1. Are you in an established long-term dynamic, training for it, or vetting a partner?
This will determine what you call the collar (and help you choose a budget frame for the purchase).
2. Is your dynamic 24/7 or bedroom-only?
For bedroom-only dynamics, this question narrows down the choice pool to more traditional and practical BDSM collars.
Do you want to wear your collar inside or outside scenes?
It is an alternative question applicable to 24/7 Dom-sub relationships. Consider who will see you wearing it and whether wearing a traditional collar outside the bedroom would cross any boundaries with friends, family, co-workers or strangers on the street.
3. What is your personal identity as a submissive in your dynamic?
Are you a little, a pet, a princess, a brat, or a service sub? How do you want to show that identity through your collar? - This way, you will look for a collar that best represents you and makes you feel more comfortable wearing it. Think about the colors of the elements - should metal pieces be chrome, silver, golden, or maybe rose gold? Do you want any decorative elements such as a bow, name tag, or a bell to be attached?
4. How will the collar be used?
If your Dominant plans on actively pulling on the collar, it needs to be made of durable material and has a strong locking mechanism so it does not fall off your neck during play. Consider whether you will be sweating in it (plastic-adjacent materials might stick to your skin and be uncomfortable)
5. Do you need any accessories?
Collars are often available with matching harnesses, belts, and cuffs. If you are thinking of getting them in the future, make sure to check if matching sets are available for the collar you are considering.
6. Do you need any accommodations?
Unfortunately, mainstream sellers are not all that inclusive in their product design. Consequently, people with bigger necks or special needs, such as allergies or sensory sensitivities, might have more difficulty finding a collar that fits their requirements.
7. Who can accommodate all the demands?
Depending on your answers to the questions above, you might have a more or less detailed vision for your collar. Looking for one can take a long time, especially if you are working with a limited budget. So, it is important to decide if the choice of a vendor makes a difference for you.
We recommend checking Etsy and Instagram for hand-made, customizable beauties or your go-to erotic vendors. Many of them have stands during kinky conventions such as Kamasutra Beurs, making browsing even easier and allowing you to verify the quality of products.
Conclusion
Now that we covered the history of collars and walked you through choosing one for yourself - we should ask you, are you ready to be collared? Stay tuned for a sister article about the collaring process.
Resources:
Bedell, G. (2004, July 24). I wrote the story of O. The Guardian; The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/books/2004/jul/25/fiction.features3
Marc van Lier. “The History of the Collar in BDSM.” Naughty Business Report, 8 Dec. 2023, www.nbrplaza.com/en/the-history-of-the-collar-in-bdsm/. Accessed 15 Aug. 2024.
Understanding Slavery Initiative. “Punishment Collar. Understanding Slavery Initiative.” Understandingslavery.com, 2024, understandingslavery.com/artefact/punishment-collar/. Accessed 15 Aug. 2024.
Wikipedia Contributors. “Sadism and Masochism in Fiction.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 9 June 2024, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sadism_and_masochism_in_fiction. Accessed 15 Aug. 2024.
