written by Micah Brown

Attending your first kink event can be daunting. Knowing what to expect can help you prepare and ensure you are as comfortable as possible when you arrive.

You first need to determine the type of kink event you will be attending. For example, are you going to be attending something low-key like a munch, or will your first experience be something more intense like a play party?

The type of event is going to play heavily into what you’re going to expect going in.

The Munch

If you’re attending a munch, you will want to make certain to understand what the expectations of the munch will be. In most cases, munches are very casual, and people will arrive in their daily wear clothes without having to worry about getting changed into anything racy. Generally, a munch is held in a public location such as a local pub or restaurant. On occasion, you may find yourself at a private munch where the rules around clothing are more relaxed, but for the most part you should expect that you can show up in your everyday clothing and not worry about feeling as though you are the odd one out.

For the most part, munches are social gatherings where folks of like mind spend time together, chat, and get to know each other. There could be flirting involved, but you can be clear that you don’t want to be flirted with, and attendees will respect that. Remember that you are in a gathering of people who are very familiar with the idea and practice of consent.

Some munches like to do a little something extra and provide some type of kink education along with the socialization. For example, you may find yourself at a munch that has a guest speaker who is an expert on a certain kink topic. Not only do you get to learn more about kink culture and activities, but you also have an additional topic of conversation to have with other attendees after the educational segment is complete.

What you may want to be a little more prepared for is the afterparty. There are often afterparties that occur when a munch ends. These are generally held at a private residence or a local dungeon. These afterparties can be more socialization or they could be play parties. My experience has been that they are a little bit of both, where some decide they want to play, and others may spend more time socializing.

Before attending a munch, don’t be afraid to ask the host about rules and expectations around the munch itself and any afterparty that occurs when the primary event has ended. Remember, just because you attended the munch, you do not have to participate in any afterparty if you’re not comfortable with going for any reason.

Play Party

A play party is, as you might expect, a kink event where there will be people actively taking part in kinky activities in areas that are viewable to all participants. These are not events you want to attend if you do not wish to view others getting kinky. Aside from kink play, you may also see penetrative sexual activity, oral sex, and more in addition to the spanking, bondage, rope play, and other kinky activities going on around you.

There will be lots of nudity on display as well as kink-wear. You may see pony boys, girls, and theys in full pony regalia, as well as other animal types.

You will be welcome to take part in the play or to hang back. It is not expected that you partake in any activity that you are not comfortable with nor that you play with anybody you’re not interested in playing with. If you arrive with a partner and only wish to play with that partner, nobody is going to have an issue with that. If you arrive on your own and only want to be a voyeur to all the activities going on, then you will be welcome to enjoy the show, just don’t expect that you will be able to take pictures.

Always be respectful of others. If there is something you don’t like, then you are not obligated to partake or watch it. If you feel there is something dangerous going on, inform the host about it immediately. Play parties have a common safe word so that if anybody hears that word and their partner doesn’t stop, the attendees all know that the safe word was uttered and can step in if necessary.

Play Parties will always have rules that the attendees need to follow. These rules are in place for the safety of all the attendees and must be respected even if you don’t understand them. Common rules are no violent CNC scenes (or any CNC scenes in some cases), no punching, no breath play, no blood or piercing or cutting.

Kink Educational Event

A kink educational event is an event that is geared toward teaching those in attendance something about kink, whether it’s a deep dive into the psychology of kink or teaching techniques that can help with your area of interest. There are many different types of educational settings ranging from In Person classes to Online seminars.

What to expect for an educational setting is going to depend entirely on what the class is going to be focusing on. If you’re there to learn about some of the fascinating psychology behind kink, then you can expect a standard educational experience. But if you’re there to learn about needle play or Shibari techniques, then you can expect there to be some demonstrations that may involve actual people, so you would need to be prepared for what that might entail. While I doubt you would attend a class on artistic cutting and blood play if you’re not a fan of blood, it’s good to understand that attending such a class is very likely to have blood involved. If you’re learning about cock-milking, then you can pretty much be guaranteed that semen will be visible during the course.

Shibari doesn’t require rope bottom to be nude, but some classes will have the rope bottom nude while others will not. Just be prepared to see naked people and bits if you’re attending any kind of class that’s using live demonstrations.

Kink Conventions

Yes, kink conventions exist and you should go to one!

What do they look like?

As much as going to a comic book convention means you’re going to see people in cosplay, you’re going to see kinky people in kinky outfits at a kink convention. Most of these conventions will not allow for full nudity and they must adhere to whatever the laws are around nudity for the locale are. That doesn’t mean that people won’t be dressing in very little.

When you hit the main floor of the convention, you’re going to find vendors as you would with any convention, but these vendors are all going to be heavily geared toward kink. It is likely you will find leather workers who make custom restraints and toys, sex-shops that have booths to sell you fun little things to try in the bedroom, and more.

As with many conventions, you may find that there are seminars and educational opportunities for you to partake in as well as special guests who are well known withing the kink world.

Conventions are a great way to network, meet others, find apparel and toys that fit your needs and desires, and learn about new, kinky activities that you may wish to try out.

There will almost certainly be play parties happening during the convention, so all in all, a convention is where you go when you want a munch, some education, and kinky playtime all in one place.

Final Thoughts

When in doubt, ask.

Don’t hesitate to talk to hosts, event coordinators, and attendees if you have any questions around etiquette or expectations when attending an event. Everybody wants you asking questions when you have them so that all the folks who attend can feel comfortable and have a good time.

Let me get out my drum set here and once again beat down on the whole idea of communication. You’ll find most folks in the kink community welcome communication and clarity – it’s what helps keep everybody safe during kinky, spicy times.

Go out. Have fun. Learn. Play. Get kinky!